Dude, Your Dignity

So, here's my proper opening Blog gambit - I thought that before I went into one over my everyday life, I'd need a fascinating or humourous story to capture everyone's attention and imagination, and here goes.

Lori and I were in town today, doing the usual Sunday shopping thing - we wandered down to my new academic home, 'The Avril Robarts' building, went for a fry up breakfast, enjoyed a surprisingly sunny day here on Merseyside. Our last port of call was the Tesco's grocery store, we whipped around, picking up various things for dinner tonight - Lori's "friend" invited herself over for dinner, and put requests in for type of wine, and asked if we could pick her up a few things, which I feel is completely taking the piss, more on her later - anyway - after paying for our foodstuffs we were wandering out when there was a big commotion at the entrance - some poor soul had set off the door alarm, the culprit was actually on his way into the store, so it was highly unlikely that he'd actually stolen anything. The security guard strolled over to the gent and casually asked to search his bag, the guy seemed a little wary, and soon, I could see why. He handed over his Virgin Megastore bag, clearly the magnetic offender, the guard said he'd just take off the security tag and he could be on his way. He thrust his hand deep into the bag and produced.......A hardcore porno movie. The clanging of carts and beeping of tills drowned out by the sound of a two dozen sets of eyebrows jumping in shock, surprise, and accusation. (Aside: Lori and I have been into the Virgin Megastore many times, and I can personally guarantee that they have the sketchiest and worst porno section I can ever imagine, we're talking Night Owl video style here. Now, I'm no conneiseur, but I'd think they'd put the hottest chicks on the front of the video to entice you to buy it, apparently not in this porno section - more cellulite per square inch than an Overeaters Anonymous meeting- grotesque, elderly faces contorted into what can only be described as....the rapture...but I digress) The man, clearly wanting to be anywhere but there, tried to play it cool, but with little result - his eyes cast down like a naughty child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and he hurridly collected his film and vanished off into the fresh produce section, with tens of eyes following his every step. Now, from the glmipse I got, it could have been way worse - its not like the guy was buying Anal Pickups or anything - but still, my heart went out for him - he pops to the shops to pick up a bit of blue, and gets outed in the middle of a grocery store. If he was 13, he'd have been a god among his friends, seeing as he was closer to 33, he's just a bit sad. Funny how that works.