Happy Freaking Christmas
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
iTunes Top 5 Tune of the Last Little While
Just to prove that I'm still alive, and that I care about you all, here's another installment of my top 5 tunes:
1. Hard Fi - Living for the Weekend
2. Juliette & The Licks - You're Speaking My Language
3. Babyshambles - Fuck Forever
4. Goldfrapp - Ooh La La
5. Stereophonics - Dakota
There you go, download them, hold them, love them.
1. Hard Fi - Living for the Weekend
2. Juliette & The Licks - You're Speaking My Language
3. Babyshambles - Fuck Forever
4. Goldfrapp - Ooh La La
5. Stereophonics - Dakota
There you go, download them, hold them, love them.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
The Wacky World of Japanese Ice Cream
Yet more proof that the Japanese are one set up messed up people. Granted, they can do brilliant things with technology - but come on, this is a little ridiculous!
That's right, just what it says on the packet. Horse Ice Cream. Mmmmm mmmm. Not just horse flavoured, or so I read, it actually has chunks of horse flesh in there! I find it offensive enough when a stray nut comes into my ice cream, imagine chowing down on a frozen horse steak.
It must have something to do with having so many people crammed on to the tiny island - either that or they get a bonus for having ridiculous ideas.
Don't believe me? Go here for these and even more treats.
That's right, just what it says on the packet. Horse Ice Cream. Mmmmm mmmm. Not just horse flavoured, or so I read, it actually has chunks of horse flesh in there! I find it offensive enough when a stray nut comes into my ice cream, imagine chowing down on a frozen horse steak.
It must have something to do with having so many people crammed on to the tiny island - either that or they get a bonus for having ridiculous ideas.
Don't believe me? Go here for these and even more treats.
Friday, September 16, 2005
You'll Rebel To Anything
Proof positive that you don't need radio play, or even a record contract, to be pretty popular. Mindless Self Indulgence are on their first tour outside of North America, and doing quite well! Something like 500 sweaty, screaming Mancunians, including Lori and I, packed into the Manchester Academy 3 (as a point of interest trying too hard metallers Trivium was play the Academy 2, and indie darlings the Super Furry Animals were playing the Academy 1...oh, and 50 Cent was playing the Manchester Evening News Arena - let's just say it was an interesting melange of people on the train ride home).
This being my 5th time seeing MSI, I sort of knew what to expect, but seeing them in such a small venue was an exciting prospect. The opening band In So Far were inoffensive clones of The Used, I can see them shifting some units - easily forgettable, but radio friendly, got a bit of a pit going, somehow, the English are obviously easily excited. The between set music was like a grade 11 mix tape of mine...Everything Zen by Bush, Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter, Head Like a Hole by NIN - it was brilliant - took me back to the full print shirts, nail polish, and blue hair days (*cue the nostalgia*)
The roadies tweaked all their knobs, banged on the drums, checked the mic, and then the lights went down - the little sample started, and...jackpot - they opened with Tornado! The crowd went crazy, I lost poor Lori after 4 bars of the opening song - she went and stood in the wings - but I managed to use the crowd surge, wily old veteran that I am, to get up to the third row right in front of Lyn-Z! Its a damn shame that concert photos never turn out, no matter how close you are - cause I could have had some great ones - instead I've got these:
They played a great set, all the classics were present and accounted for: Faggot, Whack, I Hate Jimmy Page, Bring the Pain, Clarissa. Jimmy was his normal frenetic self, throwing himself all over the joint, launching into the crowd, stubbing out cigarettes on his tongue, and down his pants - I got tired just watching him! Anyway as is customary- here are the top 5 high & low points of the evening:
Top 5:
1. Lyn-Z. 'nuff said
2. Tornado - amazing opener, kicks so much ass live (and they played Kill the Rock!)
3. Jimmy's jacket - "Feel my Honky Wrath"
4. Steve Righ?, the guitarist going walkabout into the crowd with his wireless guitar and ending up leaning on me while playing the end to 'I Hate Jimmy Page',
5. That there were so many people there - I'm so glad there was a good turn out!
Bottom 5:
1. The OTT goth couple that stood right in front on me when the lights went out and made out, with my face literally 6 inches from them
2. The crazy spiral staircase up into the Academy 3, death nearly became me on multiple occasions
3. The 14 year old faux-lesbians that made out through the band change - just trying to damn hard to be alternative
4. The tools with the dreads that did mock rave dancing to every song during the change, it wasn't funny the first time, let alone the 8th
5. Losing Lori after the opening riff to Tornado - sorry my love :)
Highlight of the Night:
Hanging out after the show and meeting them all again - its cool that a band is willing to just pop pretty much straight off of the stage and then hang out with the kids (and me, who is old). I got my picture taken with Lyn-Z again, but didn't have anything to sign - not that anything could top the autographed John Deere jacket I have at home!
This being my 5th time seeing MSI, I sort of knew what to expect, but seeing them in such a small venue was an exciting prospect. The opening band In So Far were inoffensive clones of The Used, I can see them shifting some units - easily forgettable, but radio friendly, got a bit of a pit going, somehow, the English are obviously easily excited. The between set music was like a grade 11 mix tape of mine...Everything Zen by Bush, Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter, Head Like a Hole by NIN - it was brilliant - took me back to the full print shirts, nail polish, and blue hair days (*cue the nostalgia*)
The roadies tweaked all their knobs, banged on the drums, checked the mic, and then the lights went down - the little sample started, and...jackpot - they opened with Tornado! The crowd went crazy, I lost poor Lori after 4 bars of the opening song - she went and stood in the wings - but I managed to use the crowd surge, wily old veteran that I am, to get up to the third row right in front of Lyn-Z! Its a damn shame that concert photos never turn out, no matter how close you are - cause I could have had some great ones - instead I've got these:
They played a great set, all the classics were present and accounted for: Faggot, Whack, I Hate Jimmy Page, Bring the Pain, Clarissa. Jimmy was his normal frenetic self, throwing himself all over the joint, launching into the crowd, stubbing out cigarettes on his tongue, and down his pants - I got tired just watching him! Anyway as is customary- here are the top 5 high & low points of the evening:
Top 5:
1. Lyn-Z. 'nuff said
2. Tornado - amazing opener, kicks so much ass live (and they played Kill the Rock!)
3. Jimmy's jacket - "Feel my Honky Wrath"
4. Steve Righ?, the guitarist going walkabout into the crowd with his wireless guitar and ending up leaning on me while playing the end to 'I Hate Jimmy Page',
5. That there were so many people there - I'm so glad there was a good turn out!
Bottom 5:
1. The OTT goth couple that stood right in front on me when the lights went out and made out, with my face literally 6 inches from them
2. The crazy spiral staircase up into the Academy 3, death nearly became me on multiple occasions
3. The 14 year old faux-lesbians that made out through the band change - just trying to damn hard to be alternative
4. The tools with the dreads that did mock rave dancing to every song during the change, it wasn't funny the first time, let alone the 8th
5. Losing Lori after the opening riff to Tornado - sorry my love :)
Highlight of the Night:
Hanging out after the show and meeting them all again - its cool that a band is willing to just pop pretty much straight off of the stage and then hang out with the kids (and me, who is old). I got my picture taken with Lyn-Z again, but didn't have anything to sign - not that anything could top the autographed John Deere jacket I have at home!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Friday, August 19, 2005
Is That Who I Think It Is?
I was fiddling around the interweb when I came across the Susan Scott Lookalikes Agency. Since 1986 this company has been providing people with celebrity lookalikes for their events - weddings, parties, bar mitvahs - you can have a mock celeb wandering around and mugging for pictures, imagine the look of amazement on your guests faces when they come face to face with one of their heroes. Well, Susan Scott can make it happen....sort of.
What a cracking example of a crap lookalike. Can you guess who this is supposed to be? I'll give you a hint, the England shirt is a tip off. That's right, Wayne Rooney. Wayne. Rooney. If this man looks like Wayne Rooney, I'm a fucking gorilla. Does he know that Wayne Rooney is 20 years of age, not in his mid-30's? This leads me to believe that the Susan Scott Agency's casting director is infact blind.
Maybe you want to add a bit of sex appeal to your party by inviting a look alike of Hollywood's Glitterati to schmooze with guests and make you look good. Or, you could invite this piss poor Julia Roberts look alike, and have it look like you've wasted your money instead.
Finally, the coup de grace. Doesn't everyone want history's worst dictator wandering around their party? Nothing would lower the mood quicker than Das Furher joining the line for the buffet. I wonder if he allows people to take pictures with him, posing like their kicking his ass? That's a great idea, much better than looking in the mirror and thinking "Hey, if I grew a little 'tache, I'd look exactly like Hitler!"
What a cracking example of a crap lookalike. Can you guess who this is supposed to be? I'll give you a hint, the England shirt is a tip off. That's right, Wayne Rooney. Wayne. Rooney. If this man looks like Wayne Rooney, I'm a fucking gorilla. Does he know that Wayne Rooney is 20 years of age, not in his mid-30's? This leads me to believe that the Susan Scott Agency's casting director is infact blind.
Maybe you want to add a bit of sex appeal to your party by inviting a look alike of Hollywood's Glitterati to schmooze with guests and make you look good. Or, you could invite this piss poor Julia Roberts look alike, and have it look like you've wasted your money instead.
Finally, the coup de grace. Doesn't everyone want history's worst dictator wandering around their party? Nothing would lower the mood quicker than Das Furher joining the line for the buffet. I wonder if he allows people to take pictures with him, posing like their kicking his ass? That's a great idea, much better than looking in the mirror and thinking "Hey, if I grew a little 'tache, I'd look exactly like Hitler!"
My Black Metal Friends
Throw your horns up, paint your face like a cadaver, wear leather pants, studded vests and enjoy "The 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pictures of All Time!!"
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Here we are again, another little update from Catholicshopper. Instead of American football, Jesus is trying his hand at the most popular sport in the world. Here we can see The Lamb of God schooling two ginger children, look at the obvious pace, with his hair flapping in the wind. I'm not sure what team he's on here, cause both #5 and #7 are trying to tackle him. Silly Jesus, there's no 'I' in 'Team,' give someone else a chance.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Its coming home, its coming home. Football's coming home.
Thankfully, the Premiership season is upon us once again, a summer full of European Cup celebrations, Peter Crouch rumours, and Steven Gerrard denials has drawn to a close. The Community/Charity Shield is over and done with, and now the shouting can begin. But, before it does, I shall anoint you all with my Premiership preview -- now, I assure you, I will be talking nothing but bollocks for the next few paragraphs, you have been warned.
Chelsea will win the Premiership. End of. We should just give them first place, and not let them play the season, a bit like Spurs in tenth place. With Robben fit from the start and the addition of Shaun Wright-Phillips, they're every fantasy players wet dream and nightmare at the same time. They're able to score 4 goals a game, but which combination will actually play? Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy Premiership titles.
Liverpool will finish second. I can dream can't I? On the back of 'That Night in Istanbul' I think Liverpool could put a decent season together. The signings of Reina and Crouch, a full season of Morientes (eventhough he looks a bit rubbish), and a season not blighted by long term injuries (I'm looking at you Alonso, Cisse), could put us near the top. In Rafa I trust, and why not? He made a squad containing Djimi Traore and Igor Biscan European Champions - he can do anything - water into wine, raise the dead, bring Michael Owen home. Anything.
Manchester United and Arsenal will scrap it out for third. Obviously. Arsenal's loss of Vieria and United's lack of any sort of decent cover make them both susceptible. Cesc Fabregas may be a lot of things, but is his a big enough presence to make up for the loss of Monsieur Vieria. Short answer, no. Arsenal will struggle, especially away from home, with teams that will get amongst them, fight and use the more physical side of the game (I'm looking at you, Blackburn) - Vieria had a take no prisoners attitude, and would often drag Arsenal out of the mire. Fabregas is 18, Spanish, and last season, sported a mullet. What that means, I don't know - but I don't think he's good enough. Manchester United have become a shadow of their former selves. Chelsea, the new kids on the block, have stolen their thunder, and now United's aging golden generation are getting well...old. No real alternative to Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs, or Paul Scholes poses some problems for Sir Alex, not only this season, put in seasons to come. With the Glazers controlling the purse strings, will there be money for him to strengthen? That remains to be seen, but for now, the quality is obvious, but its on the wane.
So here goes -- some more predictions, and some for those not paying attention:
Champions - Chelsea
Champions League Qualifiers - Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal
UEFA Cup Qualifiers - Tottenham, Newcastle, Bolton
Relegated - Wigan, West Ham, West Brom
Golden Boot Winner - Thierry Henry
Michael Owen will sign for - Liverpool
There you go. My colours nailed firmly to the flag. In a few months we'll all be able to look back and laugh at my apparent lack of football knowledge!
Peace Out.
Chelsea will win the Premiership. End of. We should just give them first place, and not let them play the season, a bit like Spurs in tenth place. With Robben fit from the start and the addition of Shaun Wright-Phillips, they're every fantasy players wet dream and nightmare at the same time. They're able to score 4 goals a game, but which combination will actually play? Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy Premiership titles.
Liverpool will finish second. I can dream can't I? On the back of 'That Night in Istanbul' I think Liverpool could put a decent season together. The signings of Reina and Crouch, a full season of Morientes (eventhough he looks a bit rubbish), and a season not blighted by long term injuries (I'm looking at you Alonso, Cisse), could put us near the top. In Rafa I trust, and why not? He made a squad containing Djimi Traore and Igor Biscan European Champions - he can do anything - water into wine, raise the dead, bring Michael Owen home. Anything.
Manchester United and Arsenal will scrap it out for third. Obviously. Arsenal's loss of Vieria and United's lack of any sort of decent cover make them both susceptible. Cesc Fabregas may be a lot of things, but is his a big enough presence to make up for the loss of Monsieur Vieria. Short answer, no. Arsenal will struggle, especially away from home, with teams that will get amongst them, fight and use the more physical side of the game (I'm looking at you, Blackburn) - Vieria had a take no prisoners attitude, and would often drag Arsenal out of the mire. Fabregas is 18, Spanish, and last season, sported a mullet. What that means, I don't know - but I don't think he's good enough. Manchester United have become a shadow of their former selves. Chelsea, the new kids on the block, have stolen their thunder, and now United's aging golden generation are getting well...old. No real alternative to Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs, or Paul Scholes poses some problems for Sir Alex, not only this season, put in seasons to come. With the Glazers controlling the purse strings, will there be money for him to strengthen? That remains to be seen, but for now, the quality is obvious, but its on the wane.
So here goes -- some more predictions, and some for those not paying attention:
Champions - Chelsea
Champions League Qualifiers - Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal
UEFA Cup Qualifiers - Tottenham, Newcastle, Bolton
Relegated - Wigan, West Ham, West Brom
Golden Boot Winner - Thierry Henry
Michael Owen will sign for - Liverpool
There you go. My colours nailed firmly to the flag. In a few months we'll all be able to look back and laugh at my apparent lack of football knowledge!
Peace Out.
Monday, August 01, 2005
That's No Survey, 'Tis A Voracious Time Wasting Beast
what time is it? 10:16pm
full name: Paul David Hatcher
age: 24
height: 5'11"
weight: 150 lbs.
eye color: Brown
hair color: Brown
skin color: White
birthday: October 5th, 1980
birthstone/sign: Opal/Libra (Your guess is as good as mine as to how and why I know that)
makeup or none?: Not for a few years, my eyeliner went away with my full print t-shirts, man, I was so metal!
nationality: Dual Canadian and British
school: John Moore's University, Liverpool
characteristics____x
devil or angel: *polishes halo*
confrontational or let things slide: Let things slide, then make snarky comments later on
introverted or extroverted: A little from column A, a little from column b
aloof or concentrated: Aloof, unless its as subtle as a charging rhino, I'll miss it
are you one to take things seriously: Depends what 'things' are
very analyctical of what others say: Yes. Usually just so I can take the piss.
do you think before you act: Usually, and the decision is always the same "I think I'll stay in bed"
serious or comedic: Comedic
selfish or selfless: Selfless, unless I owe Steve money
do you consider yourself to be honest? Yeah, for major stuff
describe yourself:
how does your girlfriend/boyfriend feel about you?: She claims to love me, I'll take her word for it -- no sense pressing the issue
how do you feel about yourself?: God's greatest in-joke
describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?: My little everything.
what would you rather be doing?: Sweating in Canada
describe where you live?: Liverpool, home of the 2005 Champions League Champions, and general unhospitable shithole
describe how you love?: unapologetically
have a good sense of humor?: I hope so, if not, people are laughing at me, not with me.
what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Nothing, who has time at 6:40am?
what are you looking forward to?: Going home for Christmas
any major flaws?: I'm a bit gaseous
favorites_________x
movie: Fight Club
television show: CSI
band: Marilyn Manson
actor: Brad Pitt, He's in Se7en and Fight Club - that affords pardons for Meet Joe Black, Seven Years in Tibet, and Legends of the Fall
actress: Keira Knighley *goes weak in the knees*
food: McDonalds Cheese Burgers....Morgan Spurlock be damned!
ice cream flavor: Phish Food - that's the expensive shit motherfuckers!
song: Marilyn Manson - 'Dried Up, Tied Up & Dead to the World'
book: Nick Hornby - 'Fever Pitch'
number: 665, the neighbour of the beast
color: Black - because its how I feel on the inside
store: 'Open' in Liverpool City Centre
animal: Emperor Penguin
scent: FCUK Him
album: Marilyn Manson - 'Antichrist Superstar'
movie soundtrack: Requiem for a Dream
season: They're all the same here, rain, rain, rain, rain
t-shirt quote: "WWJD for a Klondike Bar"
holiday: Christmas
school subject: Gym
random thing: Dali's Elephants
thing to do on the 'net: Avoid real life
thing to say: Any sentence with the word 'yo' at the end
car: Mini Cooper
favorite childhood memory?: Getting He-Man for my 4th birthday
favorite vacation?: Hawaii with Lori
this or that_______x
pepsi/coke: Coke, I'm quite particular about my caffeine fix
cat/dog: Dog
real/fake: Real
lust/love: Love, with a fair sprinkle of lust from time to time
tv/movies: TV
hug/kiss: Kiss
love/be loved: Be loved
night/day: Night
dark/light: Light
hot/cold: Hot, unless I'm trying to sleep
silver/gold: Silver
taking pics/pics taken: Both
blonde/brunette: In the words of the great Deryck Whibley "It makes no difference to me"
good/evil: Evil, cause they always get the best lines
sweet/sour: sa-weet
dl'ing music/buying music: Downloading, who needs the booklet anyway?
indoors/outdoors: Outdoors
left/right: Left foot
living for the moment/future: The future, hopefully a rich future
cell phone/regular phone: Mobile phone - I love the text
friendship________x
are you popular? People don't cross the street to avoid me, if that's what you mean
number of close friends? Probably in the 5-10 range
friend you talk to the most? Steve
friend you see the least? Anyone from Canada
friend you see the most? Andy
friend who goes to you for advice? None, they all know better than to do that
ever made out with a friend? Nah, none of that
best friend: Steve and Captain Portugal
funniest friend: Steve (looking, smelling...)
dumbest friend: Adam, the boy's a legend
ditziest friend: Katie
most unfortunate friend: Girish, the Shaker's Addiction is a terrible thing
smartest friend: It has to be Lori, does she count?
quietest friend: Aziz
loudest friend: Andy
longest lasting friend: Joe Lawlor
prettiest friend: Steve
cutest friend: Steve
hottest friend: Steve (had to return the favor, mutual ego stroking)
random__________x
what's the worst memory of your life: Probably the death of my baby brother, Stuart
do you have any siblings: One sister
the funniest or most disgusting thing you had to do in a game of truth or dare: I'm pretty sure I've licked some feet
do you like your name: Yeah, I guess so
what are your favorite boys/girls names: Jack/Victoria
when you dream, do you see yourself, or do you see through your own eyes: I actually do both, depending on the situation
do you have any phobias: claustrophobia
does glitter make you sick: Sick? That seems a little strong for something so insignificant
do you consider yourself to be a very sexual person: On occasion
what kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use: Cynthia Sylvia Stout from Lush
what kind of body wash do you use: Sonic Death Monkey from Lush
do you consider yourself to be spoiled: Lori totally spoils me
what is your religion? I don't really have one, God and I have had our differences in the past
are you a big music freak: I prefer normal sized music
do you believe in love at first sight: Lust at first sight, yes, love takes time
do you believe love can only happen once in a lifetime: Nope
do you believe in evolution: Yes, its a better option than Adam & Eve
is there anything you really hate: Early Mornings
what are your views on plastic surgery: Don't overdo it
what are your views on drugs and alcohol: Don't overdo it
are you down with the spongebob craze: No, I'm happily not down with the kids on this one
do you have any collections: Yes, I have lots of toys - mint on cards - I'm a dork
name a place you visit often: the bathroom
do you think you're hot: Nah, its rather mild here at the moment
do you have any piercings: Not anymore
do you want any piercings: No
what are your views on piercings: Don't overdo it
do you have a tattoo: No
do you want one or another one: Well, a pact is a pact, right Steve?
share a few words of wisdom?: You don't tug on Superman's cape, You don't spit into the wind, You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim
how often do you spend time online: Daily
do you get along with your parents: Swimmingly, unless I'm asking for money
how was your childhood: Fantastic, as far as I can remember
are you an only child?: I know this survey is long, but my parents haven't produced another child since I answered this question last. One sister.
pets?: None
feeling on politics: Apathetic
like hippies?: as long as they shower, wear deodarent, and their tie-dye doesn't make my eyes bleed
like thugs?: Not even to laugh at
like Punk rockers?: Proper punks are alright, its the Blinkers that worry me
like hXcers?: What the hell is a hXcer? I'm way too old for this shit.
like metal heads?: Oh yes, my long haired, Pantera loving bretheren
like ravers?: Fun fur visors and glow sticks, what's not to love?
like posers: They make any scene interesting
like goths: Gothic Cam is great!
like hicks?: I don't really know any, so I can't pass judgement
like racist people: Well, no, apart from my Grandad
like Nazis?: Little old German Grandads(with dead eyes) are cute
like preps: sure, go on then
are you a virgin: Buy me dinner and I'm whatever you want me to be
how's the weather?: Its nighttime, cloudy, can't see the stars
do you like living: Better than being dead, I guess
what do you want to be: Fabulous!
how was your day: A bit shit, figuratively and literally
what are you wearing: FCUK jeans, pink ringer tee, CK boxer briefs
doing anything later: Going to sleep
tomorrow?: Going to work
ever try to commit suicide: Whoa, this took a bleak turn, and no.
have you ever____x
been in love? Yes, in the present tense
kissed the same sex? Not since I was wee
seen your favorite band live? Of course.
taken any kind of lessons? Nope, I'm just a natural talent at all I do
won any contests? Never, but I rarely enter them
cussed out your mom/dad? Never had any reason to, I'm not trash
looked at the stars with a loved one? Frequently
wanted to kill someone? Not really
killed someone? Not yet, I'm sure its coming though
hated someone? Of course
cheated on someone? Nope
one, neither, or both____x
mom or dad: Both
girl or boy: Girl
gun or knife: Gun, less personal
deaf or blind: Deaf
penis or vagina: penis for peeing, the other for everything else
blood or boogers: blood, less slimey
eyes or toes: eyes
boobs or butts: boobs, easiest question on this survey, that....except maybe the Nazi one
tongue or lip rings: Neither
nipple or nose rings: Neither
green or blue eyes: Green
punk or thug: Punk Oi! Oi! Oi!
broken jaw or nose: broken jaw, how cool woul dit be to have it wired shut?
date same or opposite sex: opposite
first thing that comes to mind__x
fish: Captain Portugal
fat: gunt
roast Beef: Sunday Dinner
school: wrist deep in feces
asshole: Me
poser: Crazy Town
slut: Alfies
funk: Parliament Funkadelic
drums: Steve
blood: Needles
dead: Michael Jackson's career
president Bush: gun toting cowboy
America: rednecks
cactus: prick
peach: fuzzy
full name: Paul David Hatcher
age: 24
height: 5'11"
weight: 150 lbs.
eye color: Brown
hair color: Brown
skin color: White
birthday: October 5th, 1980
birthstone/sign: Opal/Libra (Your guess is as good as mine as to how and why I know that)
makeup or none?: Not for a few years, my eyeliner went away with my full print t-shirts, man, I was so metal!
nationality: Dual Canadian and British
school: John Moore's University, Liverpool
characteristics____x
devil or angel: *polishes halo*
confrontational or let things slide: Let things slide, then make snarky comments later on
introverted or extroverted: A little from column A, a little from column b
aloof or concentrated: Aloof, unless its as subtle as a charging rhino, I'll miss it
are you one to take things seriously: Depends what 'things' are
very analyctical of what others say: Yes. Usually just so I can take the piss.
do you think before you act: Usually, and the decision is always the same "I think I'll stay in bed"
serious or comedic: Comedic
selfish or selfless: Selfless, unless I owe Steve money
do you consider yourself to be honest? Yeah, for major stuff
describe yourself:
how does your girlfriend/boyfriend feel about you?: She claims to love me, I'll take her word for it -- no sense pressing the issue
how do you feel about yourself?: God's greatest in-joke
describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?: My little everything.
what would you rather be doing?: Sweating in Canada
describe where you live?: Liverpool, home of the 2005 Champions League Champions, and general unhospitable shithole
describe how you love?: unapologetically
have a good sense of humor?: I hope so, if not, people are laughing at me, not with me.
what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Nothing, who has time at 6:40am?
what are you looking forward to?: Going home for Christmas
any major flaws?: I'm a bit gaseous
favorites_________x
movie: Fight Club
television show: CSI
band: Marilyn Manson
actor: Brad Pitt, He's in Se7en and Fight Club - that affords pardons for Meet Joe Black, Seven Years in Tibet, and Legends of the Fall
actress: Keira Knighley *goes weak in the knees*
food: McDonalds Cheese Burgers....Morgan Spurlock be damned!
ice cream flavor: Phish Food - that's the expensive shit motherfuckers!
song: Marilyn Manson - 'Dried Up, Tied Up & Dead to the World'
book: Nick Hornby - 'Fever Pitch'
number: 665, the neighbour of the beast
color: Black - because its how I feel on the inside
store: 'Open' in Liverpool City Centre
animal: Emperor Penguin
scent: FCUK Him
album: Marilyn Manson - 'Antichrist Superstar'
movie soundtrack: Requiem for a Dream
season: They're all the same here, rain, rain, rain, rain
t-shirt quote: "WWJD for a Klondike Bar"
holiday: Christmas
school subject: Gym
random thing: Dali's Elephants
thing to do on the 'net: Avoid real life
thing to say: Any sentence with the word 'yo' at the end
car: Mini Cooper
favorite childhood memory?: Getting He-Man for my 4th birthday
favorite vacation?: Hawaii with Lori
this or that_______x
pepsi/coke: Coke, I'm quite particular about my caffeine fix
cat/dog: Dog
real/fake: Real
lust/love: Love, with a fair sprinkle of lust from time to time
tv/movies: TV
hug/kiss: Kiss
love/be loved: Be loved
night/day: Night
dark/light: Light
hot/cold: Hot, unless I'm trying to sleep
silver/gold: Silver
taking pics/pics taken: Both
blonde/brunette: In the words of the great Deryck Whibley "It makes no difference to me"
good/evil: Evil, cause they always get the best lines
sweet/sour: sa-weet
dl'ing music/buying music: Downloading, who needs the booklet anyway?
indoors/outdoors: Outdoors
left/right: Left foot
living for the moment/future: The future, hopefully a rich future
cell phone/regular phone: Mobile phone - I love the text
friendship________x
are you popular? People don't cross the street to avoid me, if that's what you mean
number of close friends? Probably in the 5-10 range
friend you talk to the most? Steve
friend you see the least? Anyone from Canada
friend you see the most? Andy
friend who goes to you for advice? None, they all know better than to do that
ever made out with a friend? Nah, none of that
best friend: Steve and Captain Portugal
funniest friend: Steve (looking, smelling...)
dumbest friend: Adam, the boy's a legend
ditziest friend: Katie
most unfortunate friend: Girish, the Shaker's Addiction is a terrible thing
smartest friend: It has to be Lori, does she count?
quietest friend: Aziz
loudest friend: Andy
longest lasting friend: Joe Lawlor
prettiest friend: Steve
cutest friend: Steve
hottest friend: Steve (had to return the favor, mutual ego stroking)
random__________x
what's the worst memory of your life: Probably the death of my baby brother, Stuart
do you have any siblings: One sister
the funniest or most disgusting thing you had to do in a game of truth or dare: I'm pretty sure I've licked some feet
do you like your name: Yeah, I guess so
what are your favorite boys/girls names: Jack/Victoria
when you dream, do you see yourself, or do you see through your own eyes: I actually do both, depending on the situation
do you have any phobias: claustrophobia
does glitter make you sick: Sick? That seems a little strong for something so insignificant
do you consider yourself to be a very sexual person: On occasion
what kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use: Cynthia Sylvia Stout from Lush
what kind of body wash do you use: Sonic Death Monkey from Lush
do you consider yourself to be spoiled: Lori totally spoils me
what is your religion? I don't really have one, God and I have had our differences in the past
are you a big music freak: I prefer normal sized music
do you believe in love at first sight: Lust at first sight, yes, love takes time
do you believe love can only happen once in a lifetime: Nope
do you believe in evolution: Yes, its a better option than Adam & Eve
is there anything you really hate: Early Mornings
what are your views on plastic surgery: Don't overdo it
what are your views on drugs and alcohol: Don't overdo it
are you down with the spongebob craze: No, I'm happily not down with the kids on this one
do you have any collections: Yes, I have lots of toys - mint on cards - I'm a dork
name a place you visit often: the bathroom
do you think you're hot: Nah, its rather mild here at the moment
do you have any piercings: Not anymore
do you want any piercings: No
what are your views on piercings: Don't overdo it
do you have a tattoo: No
do you want one or another one: Well, a pact is a pact, right Steve?
share a few words of wisdom?: You don't tug on Superman's cape, You don't spit into the wind, You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim
how often do you spend time online: Daily
do you get along with your parents: Swimmingly, unless I'm asking for money
how was your childhood: Fantastic, as far as I can remember
are you an only child?: I know this survey is long, but my parents haven't produced another child since I answered this question last. One sister.
pets?: None
feeling on politics: Apathetic
like hippies?: as long as they shower, wear deodarent, and their tie-dye doesn't make my eyes bleed
like thugs?: Not even to laugh at
like Punk rockers?: Proper punks are alright, its the Blinkers that worry me
like hXcers?: What the hell is a hXcer? I'm way too old for this shit.
like metal heads?: Oh yes, my long haired, Pantera loving bretheren
like ravers?: Fun fur visors and glow sticks, what's not to love?
like posers: They make any scene interesting
like goths: Gothic Cam is great!
like hicks?: I don't really know any, so I can't pass judgement
like racist people: Well, no, apart from my Grandad
like Nazis?: Little old German Grandads(with dead eyes) are cute
like preps: sure, go on then
are you a virgin: Buy me dinner and I'm whatever you want me to be
how's the weather?: Its nighttime, cloudy, can't see the stars
do you like living: Better than being dead, I guess
what do you want to be: Fabulous!
how was your day: A bit shit, figuratively and literally
what are you wearing: FCUK jeans, pink ringer tee, CK boxer briefs
doing anything later: Going to sleep
tomorrow?: Going to work
ever try to commit suicide: Whoa, this took a bleak turn, and no.
have you ever____x
been in love? Yes, in the present tense
kissed the same sex? Not since I was wee
seen your favorite band live? Of course.
taken any kind of lessons? Nope, I'm just a natural talent at all I do
won any contests? Never, but I rarely enter them
cussed out your mom/dad? Never had any reason to, I'm not trash
looked at the stars with a loved one? Frequently
wanted to kill someone? Not really
killed someone? Not yet, I'm sure its coming though
hated someone? Of course
cheated on someone? Nope
one, neither, or both____x
mom or dad: Both
girl or boy: Girl
gun or knife: Gun, less personal
deaf or blind: Deaf
penis or vagina: penis for peeing, the other for everything else
blood or boogers: blood, less slimey
eyes or toes: eyes
boobs or butts: boobs, easiest question on this survey, that....except maybe the Nazi one
tongue or lip rings: Neither
nipple or nose rings: Neither
green or blue eyes: Green
punk or thug: Punk Oi! Oi! Oi!
broken jaw or nose: broken jaw, how cool woul dit be to have it wired shut?
date same or opposite sex: opposite
first thing that comes to mind__x
fish: Captain Portugal
fat: gunt
roast Beef: Sunday Dinner
school: wrist deep in feces
asshole: Me
poser: Crazy Town
slut: Alfies
funk: Parliament Funkadelic
drums: Steve
blood: Needles
dead: Michael Jackson's career
president Bush: gun toting cowboy
America: rednecks
cactus: prick
peach: fuzzy
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Thoughts & Prayers
Just terrible scenes in London today, my thoughts and prayers are with the victims of the attacks -- the injured, and worse.
Thankfully, no one I know was involved, but they so easily could have.
Thankfully, no one I know was involved, but they so easily could have.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
The Trip Home to Canada iPod/iTunes/Radio Top 5
Back in Liverpool again, all nestled back into my little rut. So, for those keeping track, is my top 5 tracks from the time I spent back in Canada.
1. Oasis - 'Love Like a Bomb'
2. Hot Hot Heat - 'Goodnight Goodnight
3. System of a Down - ATWA
4. The White Stripes - 'Blue Orchid'
5. Metric - 'Dead Disco'
The Edge has to take some credit for #2, #4 and also #5....they sure like to play a lot of the same songs. Had I been home any long, I'd have had to include Arcade Fire or worse, Theory of a Deaman....but that really doesn't bear thinking about!
1. Oasis - 'Love Like a Bomb'
2. Hot Hot Heat - 'Goodnight Goodnight
3. System of a Down - ATWA
4. The White Stripes - 'Blue Orchid'
5. Metric - 'Dead Disco'
The Edge has to take some credit for #2, #4 and also #5....they sure like to play a lot of the same songs. Had I been home any long, I'd have had to include Arcade Fire or worse, Theory of a Deaman....but that really doesn't bear thinking about!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
A Comment on Canada
So here I am, back home, dispatching this entry from the middle of nowhere that I call home.
I've already noticed something that really REALLY bothers me about being home. Canadian commercials, they're just awful. The main culprit however is the current Mr. Sub spot. To take something as alternative and cool as Napoleon Dynamite, put a look a like in a sub shop, have him say "Do you have green olives....wick-ed" its blasphemy, it really is. I hate it, I want to find the actor, director, and pitch man for this atrocity, stuff them in the back of an unmarked van and drive them to a deserted locale and rituallistically slaughter them, preferably by the ancient art of 'Death by 1000 Cuts'. That would almost make up for the hurt they've caused to me, and the millions of Canadians that are forced to sit and watch this substandard pap. It doesn't even make me want to buy a sub! It makes me want to firebomb every single Mr. Sub franchise in the GTA!
Anyway, my trip home was uneventful, saw Hitch - pretty funny - even if it was edited for the plane, which is worse than TBS editing, they don't even use the same voice actor. Will be pretty busy over the next few days, so I don't know if I'll update - considering I rarely do, even when I'm not busy.
Off to Chuck Palahniuk tonight and Oasis on Friday, so I may have to post about that, I guess.
That's all for now,
Peace Out.
I've already noticed something that really REALLY bothers me about being home. Canadian commercials, they're just awful. The main culprit however is the current Mr. Sub spot. To take something as alternative and cool as Napoleon Dynamite, put a look a like in a sub shop, have him say "Do you have green olives....wick-ed" its blasphemy, it really is. I hate it, I want to find the actor, director, and pitch man for this atrocity, stuff them in the back of an unmarked van and drive them to a deserted locale and rituallistically slaughter them, preferably by the ancient art of 'Death by 1000 Cuts'. That would almost make up for the hurt they've caused to me, and the millions of Canadians that are forced to sit and watch this substandard pap. It doesn't even make me want to buy a sub! It makes me want to firebomb every single Mr. Sub franchise in the GTA!
Anyway, my trip home was uneventful, saw Hitch - pretty funny - even if it was edited for the plane, which is worse than TBS editing, they don't even use the same voice actor. Will be pretty busy over the next few days, so I don't know if I'll update - considering I rarely do, even when I'm not busy.
Off to Chuck Palahniuk tonight and Oasis on Friday, so I may have to post about that, I guess.
That's all for now,
Peace Out.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
I love this statue. Who is the kid tackling Jesus? Granted, its a bit of a limp tackle -- but still, imagine taking down the Son of God. Also, why doesn't he have a helmet? Can Jesus not be concussed? I don't think those sandels would get any sort of traction on that grass either, so he won't be selling anyone the shake and bake. At least he's keeping active - he looks pretty good for 2000 years old too.
This Weeks iTunes Top 5
Here we go, the last edition before I jet home to Canada --
1. Death From Above 1979 - 'Pull Out'
2. The White Stripes - 'Blue Orchid'
3. Garbage - 'Bad Boyfriend'
4. Bodyrockers - 'I Like the Way'
5. Nine Inch Nails - 'With Teeth'
1. Death From Above 1979 - 'Pull Out'
2. The White Stripes - 'Blue Orchid'
3. Garbage - 'Bad Boyfriend'
4. Bodyrockers - 'I Like the Way'
5. Nine Inch Nails - 'With Teeth'
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Breathe Again
So the DVD arrived, and after multiple watchings, I've determined that its not that bad - as they pan across the crowd, you see a slightly gangly figure clutching a lamp post, in a vintage Liverpool shirt, waving a flag. No devil horns, no headbanging, no metal. Phew. Once in a lifetime is embarrassing, twice....that's just not on!
In other news - it seems as though the G8 are dropping the third world debt. Bono must be pissed. His pet project that got his face on the news actually succeeded, his PR scam gone, what's he going to do now? Maybe he'll take on Asia now, railing against their population controls - perhaps he'll adopt thousands of Chinese railway children. Then, with Africa and Asia firmly under his control, he can move on a total world domination. But he'll probably go back and rehash Africa again, resting on laurels instead of blazing trails. Ooohhh....metaphor.
Peace Out.
In other news - it seems as though the G8 are dropping the third world debt. Bono must be pissed. His pet project that got his face on the news actually succeeded, his PR scam gone, what's he going to do now? Maybe he'll take on Asia now, railing against their population controls - perhaps he'll adopt thousands of Chinese railway children. Then, with Africa and Asia firmly under his control, he can move on a total world domination. But he'll probably go back and rehash Africa again, resting on laurels instead of blazing trails. Ooohhh....metaphor.
Peace Out.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
This Week's iTunes Top 5
Off we go again - bit of a slow week this week - Lori's been studying, so I haven't had much quality rocking out time - ho hum:
1. Marilyn Manson - Dried Up, Tied Up, & Dead to the World
2. yourcodenameis: Milo - I Am Connecting Flight
3. MSI - Brooklyn Hype (Part 1)
4. The Dresden Dolls - Bad Habit
5. Limp Bizkit - The Propaganda
Peace out.
1. Marilyn Manson - Dried Up, Tied Up, & Dead to the World
2. yourcodenameis: Milo - I Am Connecting Flight
3. MSI - Brooklyn Hype (Part 1)
4. The Dresden Dolls - Bad Habit
5. Limp Bizkit - The Propaganda
Peace out.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Tempting Fate Again
Why do I do these things to myself? The single most embarrassing event of my adult life was popping in the KoRn bootleg of the Sick and Twisted tour's stop in Toronto, only to find myself unabashedly rocking out on stage. There was always the outside chance of me being on the tape, but did the camera have to be on me for the whole thing, including the merciless head banging during 'Got the Life?' That's why bootlegs are such fascinating things, because you buy them for two main reasons, one - to validate in your mind that the event was in fact as amazing as you thought it was, they bring back memories that are often clouded by the post concert amnesia that settles in after a good night's sleep. And two - a slightly more vain reason - to see if you made it on the tape. I did, and I cringe everytime I think about it. Throwing up the horns and head banging while in the moment is all well and good, but in the cold, harsh light of day, months later...eesh.
I mention this because I may have done it again - this time I've ordered a DVD copy of the Sky Sports coverage of the Liverpool homecoming parade. I've got it on good authority that I was in fact featured on this too - maybe I ordered it to see how bad it is. Its a bit like a train wreck - hopefully I didn't embarrass myself and have everyone in England, and possibly around the world, think I'm a tool. When it arrives I will watch it, try to find me, and report back.
Thankfully, in this case there was no horns, no head banging, and no 'Got the Life' it can only be better, right?
I mention this because I may have done it again - this time I've ordered a DVD copy of the Sky Sports coverage of the Liverpool homecoming parade. I've got it on good authority that I was in fact featured on this too - maybe I ordered it to see how bad it is. Its a bit like a train wreck - hopefully I didn't embarrass myself and have everyone in England, and possibly around the world, think I'm a tool. When it arrives I will watch it, try to find me, and report back.
Thankfully, in this case there was no horns, no head banging, and no 'Got the Life' it can only be better, right?
Sunday, May 29, 2005
This Week's iTunes Top 5
To be honest, this week, it should be an iTunes top 1, and left at that - but I'll humor you all.
1. Gerry & The Pacemakers - "You'll Never Walk Alone"
2. Nine Inch Nails - "Suck" (live)
3. The Used - Take it Away
4. Gorillaz - "Feel Good Inc."
5. The Mars Volta - "The Widow"
1. Gerry & The Pacemakers - "You'll Never Walk Alone"
2. Nine Inch Nails - "Suck" (live)
3. The Used - Take it Away
4. Gorillaz - "Feel Good Inc."
5. The Mars Volta - "The Widow"
Friday, May 27, 2005
Two Days After the Night Before
I watched a film last night. It was one of those football movies, where a team of proud Englishmen, underachievers and blunderers, somehow get to the Cup Final, only to find themselves being well beaten by the best team in the competition, thanks to the opposition efficiency, the oppositions fouling and a dodgy ref.
As one would expect in a stereotypical football film, all seems lost, but the English captain with the lionheart rallys his troops and somehow the team finds themselves back on the status quo.At this point in the film, there is always a courageous defender who will be running through pain to stop the opposition scoring, while the blundering keeper redeems himself by producing a save that isn't actually possible in a proper football match due to the laws of gravity, before further redeeming himself by saving penalties, with the unwanted substitute scoring the penalty that confirms the victory.
The film was enjoyable, and I'm not bothered that I don’t know what it's called, but I thought that I'd just like to say that I wish film makers would make football films more realistic, as this sort of thing never happens in real life."
I didn't write this, but it just about sums up everything I can tangibly write about Wednesday night. Its impossible to put into words the roller coaster of emotions that Livepool put me through, from the lowest low to the highest high - I love and hate this team at the same time - I hate what they do to me, but I love every minute of it....if that makes any sense.
The parade was amazing, cracking atmosphere, hundreds of thousands of people, many renditions of "You'll Never Walk Alone" - and of course - The Cup. Its home for good now.
I'll post pictures soon!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The Team of the Year
Another Premiership season has come and gone, Liverpool were a bit pants, Chelsea weren't. So here it is, the definitive team of the year, fuelled by Vanilla Coke, Papa John's pizza, and iTunes on shuffle.
GK - Peter Cech - who else could it possibly have been? He was immense, letting in 13 league goals in 38 league games and breaking Peter Schmeichel's record for consecutive shutout minutes. In a year of erratic goalkeeping, he was solid - week in, week out. It was always going to take a huge effort to keep Carlo Cudicini out of the side, but he did it, with unnerving ease. Let's hope he has a second season like Tim Howard - or Chelsea could be on top for some years to come.
RB - Gary Neville - for lack of anyone better. I'd have chosen Steve Finnan, but then I'd be accused of a Liverpool bias (perish the thought). I'll take The Neviller based on his display at Goodison Park where he volleyed the ball into the crowd after someone gave him some lip. What a man, what a mustache! Another solid season, even if the end was blighted by injury.
CB - John Terry - Another Chelsea player, I hate myself for having to pick so many of them, but they were just too good this season. The skipper improved on last season's already impressive performance, cementing himself as one of the game's premier centre backs. Still young, and improving every season, Chelsea makes me sick.
CB - Jamie Carragher - Maybe the Scousest man on the planet. Utterly uninteligible in interviews, looks like he'd steal your car, should be wearing a Lacoste tracksuit. The man is a legend. In a season dominated by news of Steven Gerrard's supposed move to Chelsea, Carra transcended the bullshit and showed what it meant to be a Liverpool player. Performances full of pride, passion and verve that was sorely lacking during the French invasion (see Diouf, Cheyrou, et al.). Now, if only he didn't panic when he crossed the halfway line.
LB - Gabriel Heinze - An Argie that speaks Welsh. After coming back late from the Olympics and random internationals, not many people held out much hope. Assuming that Ferguson had gotten it wrong, that he was another Kleberson, Bellion, or Djemba-Djemba, fans around the country took heart. Unfortunately, the signing was a masterstroke. Playing every game as though it was his last, his blood and thunder approach, never shirking a tackle made him a fan favourite at Old Trafford, and a wicked fantasy pick. Settling instantly, and even popping up to score a few goals - like Ashley Cole - but without all the drama.
RM - Arjen Robben - The oldest looking 20 year old I've ever seen. Although he's supremely ugly, and looks slightly poncey when he runs, Robben is the one man every team in the league wishes they had. Pace, skill, strength, power, technique, passing, he has it all - scoring spectacular goals, setting up countless more. Manchester United must be sick.
CM - Xabi Alonso - Few outside of Spain had heard of Xabi Alonso before this season, but after his goal against Arsenal at Anfield, and numerous breathtaking passes, he'll soon be a household name. His arrival made the fact Liverpool will probably lose Steven Gerrard bearable - young, skilled and up for a fight, if it wasn't for Fat Frank breaking his ankle on New Year's Day, Liverpool's season could have been much different.
CM - Fat Frank - Begrudgingly, another Chelsea player. Fat Frank was again the talisman for Chelsea, often single handedly dragging them out of the mire to snatch victories from the jaws of 0-0 draws. Scoring long range bombs, free kicks, penalties, and breaking influential midfielders ankles, he did it all. Probably a good shout for player of the year - even if he is a bit of a wanker.
LM - Stewart Downing - Young, English, left-footed! The latest great white hope for England's left sided problem. Only 20 years old, he looks the business, scoring goals, getting crosses in, an old fashioned winger. A product of the Boro academy, if given his chance, he could be the answer...that is, if the question is "Who's playing on the left for England?"
CF - Wayne Rooney - *sigh* it pains me to write this. After his move to United, he really stepped his game up. Taking players on, shooting from anywhere, seeing things others don't, finding space where there is none - he's the complete player. Only 20 years old, he's only going to get better, good news for England, bad news for everyone else. Could be on here for the goal against Newcastle alone.
ST - Peter Crouch - The tallest man in the world. Before this season he was the punchline to many jokes, in fact he was the subject of a bet between Mr. Stephen N. Johns and myself. I bet that he would score 15 goals this season in all competitions. Steve scoffed, and accepted - the wager - a crisp, new Peter Crouch Southampton jersey. Lo and behold, the dust has settled and Crouchy did the business - 16 goals for a struggling team, not a bad return! In all honesty, he has a fantastic touch for such a big man, and takes a mean penalty - without him, Saints would have been down in February - if they can hold on to him, they have every chance of bouncing back up.
Substitutes:
Gabor Kiraly
Ledley King
Shaun Wright-Phillips
Thierry Henry
Dean Ashton
GK - Peter Cech - who else could it possibly have been? He was immense, letting in 13 league goals in 38 league games and breaking Peter Schmeichel's record for consecutive shutout minutes. In a year of erratic goalkeeping, he was solid - week in, week out. It was always going to take a huge effort to keep Carlo Cudicini out of the side, but he did it, with unnerving ease. Let's hope he has a second season like Tim Howard - or Chelsea could be on top for some years to come.
RB - Gary Neville - for lack of anyone better. I'd have chosen Steve Finnan, but then I'd be accused of a Liverpool bias (perish the thought). I'll take The Neviller based on his display at Goodison Park where he volleyed the ball into the crowd after someone gave him some lip. What a man, what a mustache! Another solid season, even if the end was blighted by injury.
CB - John Terry - Another Chelsea player, I hate myself for having to pick so many of them, but they were just too good this season. The skipper improved on last season's already impressive performance, cementing himself as one of the game's premier centre backs. Still young, and improving every season, Chelsea makes me sick.
CB - Jamie Carragher - Maybe the Scousest man on the planet. Utterly uninteligible in interviews, looks like he'd steal your car, should be wearing a Lacoste tracksuit. The man is a legend. In a season dominated by news of Steven Gerrard's supposed move to Chelsea, Carra transcended the bullshit and showed what it meant to be a Liverpool player. Performances full of pride, passion and verve that was sorely lacking during the French invasion (see Diouf, Cheyrou, et al.). Now, if only he didn't panic when he crossed the halfway line.
LB - Gabriel Heinze - An Argie that speaks Welsh. After coming back late from the Olympics and random internationals, not many people held out much hope. Assuming that Ferguson had gotten it wrong, that he was another Kleberson, Bellion, or Djemba-Djemba, fans around the country took heart. Unfortunately, the signing was a masterstroke. Playing every game as though it was his last, his blood and thunder approach, never shirking a tackle made him a fan favourite at Old Trafford, and a wicked fantasy pick. Settling instantly, and even popping up to score a few goals - like Ashley Cole - but without all the drama.
RM - Arjen Robben - The oldest looking 20 year old I've ever seen. Although he's supremely ugly, and looks slightly poncey when he runs, Robben is the one man every team in the league wishes they had. Pace, skill, strength, power, technique, passing, he has it all - scoring spectacular goals, setting up countless more. Manchester United must be sick.
CM - Xabi Alonso - Few outside of Spain had heard of Xabi Alonso before this season, but after his goal against Arsenal at Anfield, and numerous breathtaking passes, he'll soon be a household name. His arrival made the fact Liverpool will probably lose Steven Gerrard bearable - young, skilled and up for a fight, if it wasn't for Fat Frank breaking his ankle on New Year's Day, Liverpool's season could have been much different.
CM - Fat Frank - Begrudgingly, another Chelsea player. Fat Frank was again the talisman for Chelsea, often single handedly dragging them out of the mire to snatch victories from the jaws of 0-0 draws. Scoring long range bombs, free kicks, penalties, and breaking influential midfielders ankles, he did it all. Probably a good shout for player of the year - even if he is a bit of a wanker.
LM - Stewart Downing - Young, English, left-footed! The latest great white hope for England's left sided problem. Only 20 years old, he looks the business, scoring goals, getting crosses in, an old fashioned winger. A product of the Boro academy, if given his chance, he could be the answer...that is, if the question is "Who's playing on the left for England?"
CF - Wayne Rooney - *sigh* it pains me to write this. After his move to United, he really stepped his game up. Taking players on, shooting from anywhere, seeing things others don't, finding space where there is none - he's the complete player. Only 20 years old, he's only going to get better, good news for England, bad news for everyone else. Could be on here for the goal against Newcastle alone.
ST - Peter Crouch - The tallest man in the world. Before this season he was the punchline to many jokes, in fact he was the subject of a bet between Mr. Stephen N. Johns and myself. I bet that he would score 15 goals this season in all competitions. Steve scoffed, and accepted - the wager - a crisp, new Peter Crouch Southampton jersey. Lo and behold, the dust has settled and Crouchy did the business - 16 goals for a struggling team, not a bad return! In all honesty, he has a fantastic touch for such a big man, and takes a mean penalty - without him, Saints would have been down in February - if they can hold on to him, they have every chance of bouncing back up.
Substitutes:
Gabor Kiraly
Ledley King
Shaun Wright-Phillips
Thierry Henry
Dean Ashton
This Week's iTunes Top 5
Is it that time already? Time flies when you're up to your elbows in urine soaked incontinence pads!
1. Franz Ferdinand - 'Take me Out'
2. Death From Above 1979 - 'Black History Month'
3. My Chemical Romance - 'Bury me in Black'
4. Jakalope - 'Pretty Life'
5. Metric - 'Combat Baby'
1. Franz Ferdinand - 'Take me Out'
2. Death From Above 1979 - 'Black History Month'
3. My Chemical Romance - 'Bury me in Black'
4. Jakalope - 'Pretty Life'
5. Metric - 'Combat Baby'
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Something a Little Different....
So, I went to see Death From Above 1979 this evening, and instead of writing a long winded review, I 've decided that for this, and every other event that I attend - I'm simply going to list the top and bottom five events that occured, and then the "Highlight of the Night" which is seperate from the lists. Confused? I am, slightly, but I think it'll work, yo, so run with me.
Death From Above 1979 - a 10 point review (11, really)
Good Stuff:
1. Drumming and singing at the same time. Brilliant!
2. Free stickers and pins from the street team - jackpot!
3. The second openers 'Metric,' they were rocking!
4. The blonde bearded guy that was the embodiment of rhythm and grace, feeling the music with every pore of his body, thrashing like he was having an epileptic seizure. Who knew that you could be both obviously nerdy and the pit-master at the same time?!?!
5. The guy that attempted to climb onto the stage only to get a sweet stiff arm from the bassist, knocking him to the ground.
Not so Good Stuff:
1. The first opening band the 'Test Icicles' - so bad, they were offensive.
2. The guy that puked at the end, puking in a big puddle and smaller puddles all the way to the bathroom
3. Girls that dance to the between set music like they're on the Electric Circus
4. An 11pm curfew, causing the band to blow through their set like jackrabbits on meth
5. No bank machine, resulting in me getting snookered out of getting the pink Death From Above t-shirt
Highlight of the Night!!!
The huge sing along during "Romantic Rights," it made me tingle
Death From Above 1979 - a 10 point review (11, really)
Good Stuff:
1. Drumming and singing at the same time. Brilliant!
2. Free stickers and pins from the street team - jackpot!
3. The second openers 'Metric,' they were rocking!
4. The blonde bearded guy that was the embodiment of rhythm and grace, feeling the music with every pore of his body, thrashing like he was having an epileptic seizure. Who knew that you could be both obviously nerdy and the pit-master at the same time?!?!
5. The guy that attempted to climb onto the stage only to get a sweet stiff arm from the bassist, knocking him to the ground.
Not so Good Stuff:
1. The first opening band the 'Test Icicles' - so bad, they were offensive.
2. The guy that puked at the end, puking in a big puddle and smaller puddles all the way to the bathroom
3. Girls that dance to the between set music like they're on the Electric Circus
4. An 11pm curfew, causing the band to blow through their set like jackrabbits on meth
5. No bank machine, resulting in me getting snookered out of getting the pink Death From Above t-shirt
Highlight of the Night!!!
The huge sing along during "Romantic Rights," it made me tingle
Sunday, May 15, 2005
This Week's iTunes Top 5
In case anybody cares what's floating my musical boat this week:
1. Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus
2. Oasis - Lyla
3. Killradio - Scavenger
4. Head Automatica - I Shot William H. Macy
5. The Dresden Dolls - Good Day
Currently Playing - BBC Radio Five Live Football Commentary
1. Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus
2. Oasis - Lyla
3. Killradio - Scavenger
4. Head Automatica - I Shot William H. Macy
5. The Dresden Dolls - Good Day
Currently Playing - BBC Radio Five Live Football Commentary
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Sunday, May 08, 2005
This Week's iTunes Top 5
Another week, another top 5:
1. Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
2. Deftones - Feiticeira
3. My Chemical Romance - Helena
4. System of a Down - Violent Pornography
5. Marilyn Manson - Para-noir
Currently playing: Kasabian - Reason is Treason
1. Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
2. Deftones - Feiticeira
3. My Chemical Romance - Helena
4. System of a Down - Violent Pornography
5. Marilyn Manson - Para-noir
Currently playing: Kasabian - Reason is Treason
Friday, May 06, 2005
I'm an Addict
I've a new addoction to share with everyone:
http://www.notproud.com
Go, start reading, be shocked, feel not so bad because you've done the same thing!
Seriously, I read this site for hours.
http://www.notproud.com
Go, start reading, be shocked, feel not so bad because you've done the same thing!
Seriously, I read this site for hours.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
This Week's iTunes Top 5
I've never been one to ignore a great idea, and I must say, Steve was really on to something with his weekly iTunes top 5 - and now that I've been converted to the dark side, and use iTunes (sorry Winamp, we had some laughs, but its over, its not me, its you), I thought I too would present my weekly top5 - off we go!
1. Digital Bath - Deftones
2. Romantic Rights - Death From Above 1979
3. You'll Rebel to Anything (as long as its not challenging) - Mindless Self Indulgence
4. Do Your Thing - Basement Jaxx
5. Cutt off - Kasabian
So, there you have it - check back next Sunday, for the next top 5. I also promise a new blog entry soon. I'm sure I'll find something to complain about.
1. Digital Bath - Deftones
2. Romantic Rights - Death From Above 1979
3. You'll Rebel to Anything (as long as its not challenging) - Mindless Self Indulgence
4. Do Your Thing - Basement Jaxx
5. Cutt off - Kasabian
So, there you have it - check back next Sunday, for the next top 5. I also promise a new blog entry soon. I'm sure I'll find something to complain about.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
It's a Dangerous Business, Walking Out Your Front Door
Let's just say you're walking down the street, its Saturday morning, 11am, sunny, but there's a chill, and let's just say, for the sake of argument, that you pass a prostitute, waiting in a bus shelter, waiting to be picked up, and not by the bus. Now, let's just say that you're walking past her, when she shouts out "You can have a go for free." If there's no one else around, and you assume she's shouting at you, bear in mind that she is proper ugly, missing teeth, hair like straw, garish red lipstick, IV drug user, do you take it as a compliment? Discuss.
Yes, this did happen.
No, I didn't take her up on her kind offer.
Yes, this did happen.
No, I didn't take her up on her kind offer.
Friday, April 15, 2005
You'll Never Walk Alone
April 15th is the anniversary of the worst British football disaster of all time. 96 Liverpool supporters were crushed at the Hillsborough stadium in Sheffield. This is always a hard day in Liverpool, although its a reasonable sized city, the sense of community is that of a small village. It seems that everyone was touched in some way, losing a friend or loved one, or having one lucky enough come out alive.
Please visit this web site, read some of the accounts, and spare a thought for those that died, and those that were left behind.
http://www.contrast.org/hillsborough/home.shtm
YNWA.
Please visit this web site, read some of the accounts, and spare a thought for those that died, and those that were left behind.
http://www.contrast.org/hillsborough/home.shtm
YNWA.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Death From Above 2005
I'm not a great believer in karma. The whole ebb and flow of your life being influenced by the number of good and bad deeds you commit, just doesn't jive for me. Or should I say didn't, because after today, I'm starting to believe.
After last night's entry, exaulting what an asshole I am, I should have seen it coming. Maybe if I had seen it coming, I could have ducked. The Gods in their infinite wisdom decided that the best way for me to pay pennance for being such a prick was to have a large pigeon to fly into my head while I was walking in town.
There I was, strolling around, enjoying the spring sunshine, sidestepping the homeless and charity appeals, when THUNK, I thought I'd been hit in the head with a brick. Stunned, I stumbled for a few steps and then looked around to see an equally stunned looking pigeon stumbling in the other direction. It actually hurt quite a bit, as it hit me at full pelt up side the head, but I attempted to retain my dignity and soldiered on down the street.
So, there's a lesson here - don't be an asshole to people on planes, and write about them in a web log, cause a pigeon may fly into your head. If that's not a potential fortune cookie, I don't know what is.
After last night's entry, exaulting what an asshole I am, I should have seen it coming. Maybe if I had seen it coming, I could have ducked. The Gods in their infinite wisdom decided that the best way for me to pay pennance for being such a prick was to have a large pigeon to fly into my head while I was walking in town.
There I was, strolling around, enjoying the spring sunshine, sidestepping the homeless and charity appeals, when THUNK, I thought I'd been hit in the head with a brick. Stunned, I stumbled for a few steps and then looked around to see an equally stunned looking pigeon stumbling in the other direction. It actually hurt quite a bit, as it hit me at full pelt up side the head, but I attempted to retain my dignity and soldiered on down the street.
So, there's a lesson here - don't be an asshole to people on planes, and write about them in a web log, cause a pigeon may fly into your head. If that's not a potential fortune cookie, I don't know what is.
Annoyance at 30,000 Feet
Those airlines sure have a kooky sense of humor. They must see me coming, stifling their giggles, giving each other winks and nudges when I turn my head. They're all in on the joke, they know who they're sitting me beside, and the world's greatest comic genius couldn't have come up with a better punchline. Ha Ha. Very fucking funny.
So, I'm sitting there in Detroit airport, watching CNN, or should I say, The Pope Network, learning more than I ever cared to know about JPII. Who knew that in his youth he was an avid skiier, and that he wrote religious poetry? Well, the religious poetry isn't too shocking, but the skiing, can you just imagine him hurtling down a black diamond run, robes flapping in the breeze, pope hat threatening to fly off, using his big staff as poles. Hilarious. Where was I? Oh yes, Detroit. While I sit in the lounge, I scan the crowd, looking for people that I want to avoid sitting next to. Anyone that looks like they'll talk to much, I want no part of them, anoyone with visable sweat marks on their shirt, no part of them, anyone old and looks like they'll need assistance getting their bad into the overhead, no part of them. Red flags were flying up all over the place, fat, old, sweaty, chatty people were everywhere, all I wanted was to go to sleep, or at least pretend to sleep, so that no one would talk to me. The boarding call eventually came, and I found my seat, next to the window, a good spot to sleep away the hours. The seat next to me was empty, even better, I thought, my luck was in, I can put my feet up and have a proper sleep! The flight attendants were buzzing around at the front of the plane, some sort of commotion, someone was late for the flight, looking around, I saw that the only seat available was the one next to me. Hoping that the doors would close, leaving me free to sprawl out, I sat and waited. Now delayed by 15 minutes, things were looking good, word filtering around that they were putting out one more call for the passenger, then closing the door. To my extreme disappointment, I heard "Here he Comes" shouted from the tunnel, I was even more disappointed when I could hear the duty free clinking in the bag before my neighbour came into view. Then, he appeared, the quintessential Brit on holiday. Wife-beater tank top over short shorts, black socks, sandles, and, I shit you not, 12 bags of duty free. He found his seat, sat down, and threw his arm around me. "I almost didn't make it! Cheers for saving me seat!" a thousand possible responses flashed through my mind. All I could muster was a weak smile and wish I was dead. My new mate, Mick, proceeded to tell me all about his 7 days in Orlando, and how glad he was to be getting home. I was enthralled. He even breached airplane etiquette by nudging me while I had my headphones on and trying to sleep, to tell me about the dinner he had at a Ponderosa, "wonderful place, his steak was thick, lovely, so thick they could only cook it medium rare, bloody lovely!" Isn't that an offence worthy of opening the door and kicking him out? Thankfully, he was half drunk, hence the lateness, he'd been waiting for his connection for 5 hours and decided to spend it in the bar. Lucky, lucky me. So when the drinks came around, he managed to secure three small bottles of wine, downed them, and passed out. Six hours later he awoke refreshed and didn't miss a beat, belting out a rousing rendition of "God Save the Queen" as we touched down at Gatwick. I managed to escape the emotional goodbye by running off while he struggled to extricate his duty free from the overhead cabin. Sure, this guy just wanted to chat, maybe he was even nervous about flying, which made him chatty. Obviously, I'm just not a nice person, I wanted him to shut up and leave me alone. Maybe that's why the people at the desk enjoy me checking in so much, there must be a little note somewhere in my passport, a little flag on my permanent record that tells them how much I *love* people, and to find the most inflammatory seat mate for me. Hee Hee, good one guys. Jerry Seinfeld's got nothing at you. Now, if you'll excuse me, my headphones are on, and I'm trying to sleep, so please, fuck off.
So, I'm sitting there in Detroit airport, watching CNN, or should I say, The Pope Network, learning more than I ever cared to know about JPII. Who knew that in his youth he was an avid skiier, and that he wrote religious poetry? Well, the religious poetry isn't too shocking, but the skiing, can you just imagine him hurtling down a black diamond run, robes flapping in the breeze, pope hat threatening to fly off, using his big staff as poles. Hilarious. Where was I? Oh yes, Detroit. While I sit in the lounge, I scan the crowd, looking for people that I want to avoid sitting next to. Anyone that looks like they'll talk to much, I want no part of them, anoyone with visable sweat marks on their shirt, no part of them, anyone old and looks like they'll need assistance getting their bad into the overhead, no part of them. Red flags were flying up all over the place, fat, old, sweaty, chatty people were everywhere, all I wanted was to go to sleep, or at least pretend to sleep, so that no one would talk to me. The boarding call eventually came, and I found my seat, next to the window, a good spot to sleep away the hours. The seat next to me was empty, even better, I thought, my luck was in, I can put my feet up and have a proper sleep! The flight attendants were buzzing around at the front of the plane, some sort of commotion, someone was late for the flight, looking around, I saw that the only seat available was the one next to me. Hoping that the doors would close, leaving me free to sprawl out, I sat and waited. Now delayed by 15 minutes, things were looking good, word filtering around that they were putting out one more call for the passenger, then closing the door. To my extreme disappointment, I heard "Here he Comes" shouted from the tunnel, I was even more disappointed when I could hear the duty free clinking in the bag before my neighbour came into view. Then, he appeared, the quintessential Brit on holiday. Wife-beater tank top over short shorts, black socks, sandles, and, I shit you not, 12 bags of duty free. He found his seat, sat down, and threw his arm around me. "I almost didn't make it! Cheers for saving me seat!" a thousand possible responses flashed through my mind. All I could muster was a weak smile and wish I was dead. My new mate, Mick, proceeded to tell me all about his 7 days in Orlando, and how glad he was to be getting home. I was enthralled. He even breached airplane etiquette by nudging me while I had my headphones on and trying to sleep, to tell me about the dinner he had at a Ponderosa, "wonderful place, his steak was
Friday, March 18, 2005
Wasting My Hate
You wanna know what I hate more than anything else in the world? Student-types. Case in point: Today was the first nice day of the year, a bit cloudy, but the sun was pushing through, making Liverpool's gray exterior glisten, and warming its creamy centre. As I have to walk through the university campus to get pretty much anywhere, I often come across students. Now, during the winter months they're mostly inoffensive, wrapped up against the biting winds and rain, scuttling from one building to another, maybe handing out flyers for a protest no one will attend. Unfortunately, that couldn't last. With the good weather comes the blossoming of what I like to refer to as "The Twats." I was walking into town today to pick up a few things, when I passed Abercromby Square, which is a patch of grass that belongs to the university, its got a few flower beds and is quite nice to look at, not today. It was overrun by studenty types! I couldn't believe it, I've never seen so many long haired, beardy, hemp necklaced, corduroy wearing, prats in all my life. What makes it worse is that they were broken off in small groups, all of which were sitting in a circle listening to one of them play an accoustic guitar! What the fuck? I can think of a million better ways to spend a lovely spring afternoon than listen to some beardy knob twang his way through Norweigan Wood. It just drives me insane, these are the types of people that love and cherish their time at university. Their parents don't understand them, they listen to U2, and smoke dope on weekends. They grow their hair long as an outdated symbol of rebellion, sticking it to the man. If I were the man, I'd kick them in the nuts. A word of warning, if you're ever sitting in a park and a corduroy'd beardy long haired student type pulls out a guitar, please, please, please, take it and break it over his head, and know that somewhere, I'll be smiling.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Too Cold, Too Cold
Is there a price you can put on irony? Is there a numerical value you can assign to the smile, wink and nod? Can you put into currency that moment when eyes lock, and you give a smirk signalling "I have much better taste than that, but I bought it just so I could have moments like the one I'm having right now."? For me, that price is $19.99, for that is the amount I paid for the nu-metal experimentation of Rob Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice.
It takes a lot of balls to do what our man Vanilla did, shunning his bad 80's hip hop roots, turning himself into a Child of the Korn, complete with Adidas track pants, dyed blonde hair, and the application of sleeves worth of tattoos. His brilliantly titled album "Hard to Swallow" is the musical equivalent of a flaming bag of dog shit. Attention grabbing, and ultimately, to be smeared on the shoes of anyone stupid enough to mess with it. Unfortunately, in this case, I trod in it, in hiking boots, with intricate, undulating soles, with many little cracks and crevices.
To his credit, Vanilla doesn't take himself too seriously, his first single in his rebirth, is a cover....of himself! Too Cold is the nu-metal version Ice, Ice Baby, which means in the 15 years he took off, out of the limelight, he couldn't pen a better tune. How fucking sad is that? Knowing that Side 1, track 1 of your first tape was to the the pinnacle of your creativity. He gives it a good go though, down tuned guitar, guttural growl, he must have been to Jon Davis' day camp. He almost pulls it off, and by almost, I mean, misses by miles. The lyrics that were on the tip of everyones tongue in 1991, and for some (me included) have been ever since, just don't stand up.
Nu metal isn't about "slicing like a ninja" or selling rhyme by the gram. Its supposed to be about how angsty he is, and what poor role models his parents were, and on the rest of the cd, he gives it a good go, spewing forth about all of his sex and drugs and how hardcore he is. Unfortunately, I can't get the shaved eyebrow, starring role in "Cold as Ice," sparkling pants, and touring with MC "Can't Touch This" Hammer out of my head. As an aside, how awesome would that tour have been for an 11 year old? The superpowers aligning and producing an all singing, all dancing, sequined, parachute panted spectacle of near biblical proportions. Wow.
So, poor old Ice, trying to be taken seriously as an artiste. His past precedes him, so now whatever he does, whenever someone buys his cd, it will be with a wink and nudge. Assholes like me will belittle his craft and mock his hard work. Although, I think he may have the last laugh. He took my money, and I'm still trying to scrape my shoes off on the grass.
It takes a lot of balls to do what our man Vanilla did, shunning his bad 80's hip hop roots, turning himself into a Child of the Korn, complete with Adidas track pants, dyed blonde hair, and the application of sleeves worth of tattoos. His brilliantly titled album "Hard to Swallow" is the musical equivalent of a flaming bag of dog shit. Attention grabbing, and ultimately, to be smeared on the shoes of anyone stupid enough to mess with it. Unfortunately, in this case, I trod in it, in hiking boots, with intricate, undulating soles, with many little cracks and crevices.
To his credit, Vanilla doesn't take himself too seriously, his first single in his rebirth, is a cover....of himself! Too Cold is the nu-metal version Ice, Ice Baby, which means in the 15 years he took off, out of the limelight, he couldn't pen a better tune. How fucking sad is that? Knowing that Side 1, track 1 of your first tape was to the the pinnacle of your creativity. He gives it a good go though, down tuned guitar, guttural growl, he must have been to Jon Davis' day camp. He almost pulls it off, and by almost, I mean, misses by miles. The lyrics that were on the tip of everyones tongue in 1991, and for some (me included) have been ever since, just don't stand up.
Nu metal isn't about "slicing like a ninja" or selling rhyme by the gram. Its supposed to be about how angsty he is, and what poor role models his parents were, and on the rest of the cd, he gives it a good go, spewing forth about all of his sex and drugs and how hardcore he is. Unfortunately, I can't get the shaved eyebrow, starring role in "Cold as Ice," sparkling pants, and touring with MC "Can't Touch This" Hammer out of my head. As an aside, how awesome would that tour have been for an 11 year old? The superpowers aligning and producing an all singing, all dancing, sequined, parachute panted spectacle of near biblical proportions. Wow.
So, poor old Ice, trying to be taken seriously as an artiste. His past precedes him, so now whatever he does, whenever someone buys his cd, it will be with a wink and nudge. Assholes like me will belittle his craft and mock his hard work. Although, I think he may have the last laugh. He took my money, and I'm still trying to scrape my shoes off on the grass.
Friday, February 25, 2005
G'Day Mate!
Just a quick update, I want to wish Talia the best of luck on her trip Down Under! Here's hoping she meets some nice Bruce's, Shane's and Sheila's to show her around and look after her!
Good Luck Chick!
Good Luck Chick!
Saturday, February 05, 2005
You're 5 CD's Away From Enlightenment
Back to back posts, awfully prolific of me isn't it? Steve's got a lot to answer for, its all his fault, first, throwing down the survey gauntlet, and then, having the audacity to writing a top 5 list that I feel compelled to copy. He's writing me a one way ticket to carpal tunnel syndrome. Before my limp, weak wrists give out, here's my list of cd's that everyone should at least listen to, I'm not advocating you buy them, but you might just learn something.
1. Glassjaw - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence
This album makes me feel uncomfortable. The complete schizophrenic nature of the songs puts you in a very unhappy place, a place that you're glad Daryl Palumbo is in, and you aren't. One minute crooning, the next whipped into a pure visceral rage, struggling to somehow spit the vitriol out faster, as it overflows from somewhere deep and dark inside. Using his craft as his catharsis, Palumbo runs the gamut of topics, many recognizable: Rejection, Love, Hate, Breaking Up. Some, new and novel: His battle with Crohn's Disease. Stand out tracks include the four minute assault on an ex love titled "Lovebites and Razorlines" with a snarling, scorned "Who you fucking now?" which is then replaced with Daryl's whirling dirvish vocal stylings, which, suddenly make way for actual singing, something that when this album was released, was near absent in most "heavy" albums. No rapping, no nonsense, just a ferocity and calculation lead by the vocals and followed by the instruments. Now, I admit, this isn't for everyone, you have to make an emotional investment in it, but if you do, the pay off is amazing. Take the ride.
Skip To: Pretty Lust, Love Bites & Razorlines, Her Middle Name Was Boom
2. Portishead - Roseland NYC
As a rule, live albums are usually poor. An exercise in the lead singers ego, the same songs, played the same way, sounding slighty tinny, with the word "fuck" and "motherfuckers" thrown in for good measure, this album is very different. Portishead don't make songs as much as they create soundscapes - layer upon layer of textured beats, with Beth's unmistakeable voice on top. Up until this point all of Portishead's work had been created in a hermetically sealed environment, where nothing is left to chance, tech-heads pawing over minutiae. Deciding to tour with full orchestral accompaniment, is a big fucking deal. It could have gone either way, but this calculated risk paid off in spades, the orchestra is subtle, yet powerful, adding new dimensions to old favorites. Beth's voice holds up in the live concert setting, sounding just as smokey and soulful as ever. The version of Sour Times on this release is reason enough to buy this album, it takes the brooding angst of the original and turns it into a proper rocker. Fantastic. Fall into this one, and when you emerge a few days later, thank me.
Skip To: Sour Times, Glory Box, Mysterions
3. My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
I'll admit that I'm biased, this band are my current flavor of the month. I feel as though they are on the cusp of greatness, they're single is getting regular play on MTV and popular rock radio, but as with any band, you have to go beyond the singles to get a real taste. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) is a good track, the rest of the album is genius, I love it. The lead singer, Gerard Way, is going to go super nova pretty soon - one review called him the personification of Anne Rice's Lestat, I don't actually know what that means, but I saw Interview with a Vampire, and that guy was a bad ass motherfucker. The songs are Tim Burton dark, angsty and so very clever. You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison might be the best song title ever, and the song rocks, I mean ROCKS. Jump on the bandwagon before its full of kids, buy this album, crank it up, and feel your head involuntarily bob. These songs get under your skin, stick in your head, and infect you. I hope they never find a cure.
Skip to: Give 'Em Hell Kid, You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison, Thank You For The Venom.
4. Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
There's something about adrogynes that excites me. Not sexually, I don't think, but the bands I like seem to all be led by a lady-boy, and Brian Molko is a prime example of this. He may be the biggest Nancy in rock music, but there's something infinitely appealing about him. His whiney voice twisting its way around simple, child like rhymes, tackling heavy subjects such as homosexuality, drug abuse, suicide, isolation, depression, the whole gamut. Placebo are a band of extremes, and on this release, they show perfectly the dichotomy. One the one hand, the rocking, fast paced, razor sharp tracks like Scared of Girls and Every You, Every Me (Cruel Intentions - a mainstream hit, YES!) are a full on assault. While the slower, more melodic tracks, such as My Sweet Prince and the title track smother you like a pillow in a dodgy nursing home. The lyrics aren't Shakespeare, but they're catchy, hook laden and heavy on chorus. This band will never take over the world, but they're just gay enough to make it interesting.
Skip to: Without You I'm Nothing, Scared of Girls, Every You, Every Me
5. Marilyn Manson - Lest We Forget
How could I not mention The Man Himself, it would be like Steve neglecting to mention Pearl Jam or Bruce Springsteen. Running the risk of sounding gushy, no other artist has affected my life, and wardrobe, the way Marilyn Manson has. Anytime an artist puts out a greatest hits package, its usually singles, and this one is no exception - pretty much every song is a single . Thankfully, Manson's singles usually kick ass. The Beautiful People, Sweet Dreams, The Dope Show, they're all here and accounted for. I'd never suggest a random, Manson album to anyone, its a very niche market, we're over here, with the self mutilators, journal keepers, and pre teen goths. But this one is easily accessible to everyone. The songs rock, and what's more important than that? If you're more interested in the image, or some of the ideas that go along with the songs, buy the respective albums. But if you just want to throw on a corset, tear up some fishnets, and throw your horns up to one of musics greatest icons and showmen, give this a listen.
Skip to: Personal Jesus, The Reflecting God, (s)AINT
This no longer looks like back to back posts, as it was intended. This post took a little longer to write than I thought it would, stupid life getting in the way. If you do give any of this stuff a listen, or if you do own it, let me know what you think - cause I love shooting the shit about this kind of thing.
1. Glassjaw - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence
This album makes me feel uncomfortable. The complete schizophrenic nature of the songs puts you in a very unhappy place, a place that you're glad Daryl Palumbo is in, and you aren't. One minute crooning, the next whipped into a pure visceral rage, struggling to somehow spit the vitriol out faster, as it overflows from somewhere deep and dark inside. Using his craft as his catharsis, Palumbo runs the gamut of topics, many recognizable: Rejection, Love, Hate, Breaking Up. Some, new and novel: His battle with Crohn's Disease. Stand out tracks include the four minute assault on an ex love titled "Lovebites and Razorlines" with a snarling, scorned "Who you fucking now?" which is then replaced with Daryl's whirling dirvish vocal stylings, which, suddenly make way for actual singing, something that when this album was released, was near absent in most "heavy" albums. No rapping, no nonsense, just a ferocity and calculation lead by the vocals and followed by the instruments. Now, I admit, this isn't for everyone, you have to make an emotional investment in it, but if you do, the pay off is amazing. Take the ride.
Skip To: Pretty Lust, Love Bites & Razorlines, Her Middle Name Was Boom
2. Portishead - Roseland NYC
As a rule, live albums are usually poor. An exercise in the lead singers ego, the same songs, played the same way, sounding slighty tinny, with the word "fuck" and "motherfuckers" thrown in for good measure, this album is very different. Portishead don't make songs as much as they create soundscapes - layer upon layer of textured beats, with Beth's unmistakeable voice on top. Up until this point all of Portishead's work had been created in a hermetically sealed environment, where nothing is left to chance, tech-heads pawing over minutiae. Deciding to tour with full orchestral accompaniment, is a big fucking deal. It could have gone either way, but this calculated risk paid off in spades, the orchestra is subtle, yet powerful, adding new dimensions to old favorites. Beth's voice holds up in the live concert setting, sounding just as smokey and soulful as ever. The version of Sour Times on this release is reason enough to buy this album, it takes the brooding angst of the original and turns it into a proper rocker. Fantastic. Fall into this one, and when you emerge a few days later, thank me.
Skip To: Sour Times, Glory Box, Mysterions
3. My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
I'll admit that I'm biased, this band are my current flavor of the month. I feel as though they are on the cusp of greatness, they're single is getting regular play on MTV and popular rock radio, but as with any band, you have to go beyond the singles to get a real taste. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) is a good track, the rest of the album is genius, I love it. The lead singer, Gerard Way, is going to go super nova pretty soon - one review called him the personification of Anne Rice's Lestat, I don't actually know what that means, but I saw Interview with a Vampire, and that guy was a bad ass motherfucker. The songs are Tim Burton dark, angsty and so very clever. You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison might be the best song title ever, and the song rocks, I mean ROCKS. Jump on the bandwagon before its full of kids, buy this album, crank it up, and feel your head involuntarily bob. These songs get under your skin, stick in your head, and infect you. I hope they never find a cure.
Skip to: Give 'Em Hell Kid, You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison, Thank You For The Venom.
4. Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing
There's something about adrogynes that excites me. Not sexually, I don't think, but the bands I like seem to all be led by a lady-boy, and Brian Molko is a prime example of this. He may be the biggest Nancy in rock music, but there's something infinitely appealing about him. His whiney voice twisting its way around simple, child like rhymes, tackling heavy subjects such as homosexuality, drug abuse, suicide, isolation, depression, the whole gamut. Placebo are a band of extremes, and on this release, they show perfectly the dichotomy. One the one hand, the rocking, fast paced, razor sharp tracks like Scared of Girls and Every You, Every Me (Cruel Intentions - a mainstream hit, YES!) are a full on assault. While the slower, more melodic tracks, such as My Sweet Prince and the title track smother you like a pillow in a dodgy nursing home. The lyrics aren't Shakespeare, but they're catchy, hook laden and heavy on chorus. This band will never take over the world, but they're just gay enough to make it interesting.
Skip to: Without You I'm Nothing, Scared of Girls, Every You, Every Me
5. Marilyn Manson - Lest We Forget
How could I not mention The Man Himself, it would be like Steve neglecting to mention Pearl Jam or Bruce Springsteen. Running the risk of sounding gushy, no other artist has affected my life, and wardrobe, the way Marilyn Manson has. Anytime an artist puts out a greatest hits package, its usually singles, and this one is no exception - pretty much every song is a single . Thankfully, Manson's singles usually kick ass. The Beautiful People, Sweet Dreams, The Dope Show, they're all here and accounted for. I'd never suggest a random, Manson album to anyone, its a very niche market, we're over here, with the self mutilators, journal keepers, and pre teen goths. But this one is easily accessible to everyone. The songs rock, and what's more important than that? If you're more interested in the image, or some of the ideas that go along with the songs, buy the respective albums. But if you just want to throw on a corset, tear up some fishnets, and throw your horns up to one of musics greatest icons and showmen, give this a listen.
Skip to: Personal Jesus, The Reflecting God, (s)AINT
This no longer looks like back to back posts, as it was intended. This post took a little longer to write than I thought it would, stupid life getting in the way. If you do give any of this stuff a listen, or if you do own it, let me know what you think - cause I love shooting the shit about this kind of thing.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Obsessive Compulsion
1. What color pants are you wearing right now? I'm actually not wearing any pants at all, I'm in a towel, seriously. I'm not kidding. I had a bath, and I'm too lazy to put pants on.
2. What are you listening to right now? "Cigaro" leaked System of a Down, if the entire album is as good as this, little metal heads around the world will look like Wyle E. Coyote after having a stick of dynamite blow up in his face.
3. Last person you talked to on the phone? I called Lori on my mobile on the way home from work, she was waiting for me at Starbucks, and I was just making sure everything was still coo.
4. Favorite drink? I'm torn between Vanilla Coke and Strawberry Milk. I think the milk edges it today.
5. # of siblings? Uno, a sister.
6. Favorite month? June, eventhough all the months in Liverpool are shades of gray, I'm pretty sure we got a couple of days of sun last July.
7. Favorite food? McDonalds Cheeseburgers - Plain - I could live happily, and die young, eating those everyday for the rest of my natural life.
8. Favorite day of the year? June 23rd, In rememberance of the day I lucked out and managed to find someone willing to put up with me. A fact, no doubt, she has been ruing ever since!
9. Favorite car? Mini Cooper - I've nothing to prove by the size of my car
10. Can you juggle? Balls, Flaming Torches, Chainsaws, all no.
11. Would you rather read or watch TV? It depends on what book and what show, I'll go for TV, because Match of the Day would be on eventually.
12. As a homemaker, what job do you hate the most? I hate doing the dishes, hate hate hate it. Paper plates are the way of the future. Although, I'd take a buxom maid over paper plates.
13. Do you trust the current president enough to re-elect him? I've dug my own bomb shelter, what does that tell you?
14. What time do you get up? 6:15! That's right, its a more studious, more responsible, grumpier Paul
15. Gold or silver? Silver, less gaudy and pikey
16. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Closer, awesome movie, Natalie Portman, A bit of Julia Roberts swearing, Jude Law and Clive Owen engaging in cyber sex, all in all worth the trip.
17. What are your favorite TV shows? The Apprentice, there's something hypnotic about The Donald's hairpiece.
18. What did you have for breakfast? I had three slugs of two day old Coke, at 6:50 while walking down the street. Its still dark when I leave the house, how fundamentally wrong is that? Clearly my file in heaven has been handed to the ironic punishments division.
19. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? The list of people that I would like to be stuck in a room with is much shorter.
20. What inspires you? Satan.
21. What is your middle name? David, plain, simple, British
22. Beach, city or country? Beach, I'm happy doing nothing. Infact, I've a degree in nothing from Queen's.
23. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. Never again will a psychadelic, hippy jam band be associated with a flavour as heavenly as this. Then again, in 20 years time there might be Dave Matthew's Brandy Ripple, you never know.
24. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? Butter, but real butter, not that nasty stuff they put on at the theatre.
25. Favorite color? Thanks to Steve for ripping off my answer - Forcing me to be creative, I'll say....Red.
26. What kind of car do you drive? I don't, I walk.
27. Favorite sandwich? Grilled Cheese and Bacon. The ever popular potato chip sandwich is up there too.
28. What characteristics do you dislike? Spongers, I hate them. People that live in a constant state of self pity. Christians.
29. Favorite flower? Venus Fly Trap, how alternative is that? My answer should be ill fitting and printed in plaid.
30. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Hawaii, with Lori and my closest friends, just to relax and surf.
31. What color is your bathroom? The walls are cream, the appliances are green, originals from the 50's, my toilet is older than my mom.
32. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything full print.
33. Where would you retire to? Hawaii, definitely. If you haven't been, you won't understand
34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, sleep is good, the alarm is the devil.
35. What did you do for your last birthday? I don't even remember. I was probably at work, I don't make a big deal out of it anyway.
36. Where were you born? Woolwich, Saaaf-East Lahndahn Mate.
37. Favorite sport to watch? Football, real football, not the American Bastardization, they don't even use their feet.
38. Who do you least expect to send this back? I'm not really sending it per se am I?
39. What fabric detergent do you use? Ariel, it was on sale.
40. Person you expect to send it back first? See above.
41. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
42. Morning person or a night owl? Neither, more like an Afternoon Warrior.
43. What size shoe do you wear? 9.5, but most stores don't make half sizes, so 10
44. What do you most like to hear? The Kop singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'
45. What do you least like to hear? Anything remotely Floydian, 15-minute guitar or drum solos
46. What profession would you like to have if you did not have your own? Professional Football Player, England International. But only if I wasn't a wanker, and could have the same friends I have now.
47. What profession would you least like to do? Working at Wal-Mart was the low point of my professional life
48 What is your favorite word? Minger.
49. What is your least favorite word? Early.
50. What is your favorite swear word? Fuck, Fucking, Fucker..so many uses.
51. What is your favorite candy? Haribo Mix
52. What is your favorite restaurant? Papa John's Pizza, Mandarin Chinese Buffet, TGI Fridays, clearly I have classy tastes.
2. What are you listening to right now? "Cigaro" leaked System of a Down, if the entire album is as good as this, little metal heads around the world will look like Wyle E. Coyote after having a stick of dynamite blow up in his face.
3. Last person you talked to on the phone? I called Lori on my mobile on the way home from work, she was waiting for me at Starbucks, and I was just making sure everything was still coo.
4. Favorite drink? I'm torn between Vanilla Coke and Strawberry Milk. I think the milk edges it today.
5. # of siblings? Uno, a sister.
6. Favorite month? June, eventhough all the months in Liverpool are shades of gray, I'm pretty sure we got a couple of days of sun last July.
7. Favorite food? McDonalds Cheeseburgers - Plain - I could live happily, and die young, eating those everyday for the rest of my natural life.
8. Favorite day of the year? June 23rd, In rememberance of the day I lucked out and managed to find someone willing to put up with me. A fact, no doubt, she has been ruing ever since!
9. Favorite car? Mini Cooper - I've nothing to prove by the size of my car
10. Can you juggle? Balls, Flaming Torches, Chainsaws, all no.
11. Would you rather read or watch TV? It depends on what book and what show, I'll go for TV, because Match of the Day would be on eventually.
12. As a homemaker, what job do you hate the most? I hate doing the dishes, hate hate hate it. Paper plates are the way of the future. Although, I'd take a buxom maid over paper plates.
13. Do you trust the current president enough to re-elect him? I've dug my own bomb shelter, what does that tell you?
14. What time do you get up? 6:15! That's right, its a more studious, more responsible, grumpier Paul
15. Gold or silver? Silver, less gaudy and pikey
16. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Closer, awesome movie, Natalie Portman, A bit of Julia Roberts swearing, Jude Law and Clive Owen engaging in cyber sex, all in all worth the trip.
17. What are your favorite TV shows? The Apprentice, there's something hypnotic about The Donald's hairpiece.
18. What did you have for breakfast? I had three slugs of two day old Coke, at 6:50 while walking down the street. Its still dark when I leave the house, how fundamentally wrong is that? Clearly my file in heaven has been handed to the ironic punishments division.
19. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? The list of people that I would like to be stuck in a room with is much shorter.
20. What inspires you? Satan.
21. What is your middle name? David, plain, simple, British
22. Beach, city or country? Beach, I'm happy doing nothing. Infact, I've a degree in nothing from Queen's.
23. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. Never again will a psychadelic, hippy jam band be associated with a flavour as heavenly as this. Then again, in 20 years time there might be Dave Matthew's Brandy Ripple, you never know.
24. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? Butter, but real butter, not that nasty stuff they put on at the theatre.
25. Favorite color? Thanks to Steve for ripping off my answer - Forcing me to be creative, I'll say....Red.
26. What kind of car do you drive? I don't, I walk.
27. Favorite sandwich? Grilled Cheese and Bacon. The ever popular potato chip sandwich is up there too.
28. What characteristics do you dislike? Spongers, I hate them. People that live in a constant state of self pity. Christians.
29. Favorite flower? Venus Fly Trap, how alternative is that? My answer should be ill fitting and printed in plaid.
30. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Hawaii, with Lori and my closest friends, just to relax and surf.
31. What color is your bathroom? The walls are cream, the appliances are green, originals from the 50's, my toilet is older than my mom.
32. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything full print.
33. Where would you retire to? Hawaii, definitely. If you haven't been, you won't understand
34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, sleep is good, the alarm is the devil.
35. What did you do for your last birthday? I don't even remember. I was probably at work, I don't make a big deal out of it anyway.
36. Where were you born? Woolwich, Saaaf-East Lahndahn Mate.
37. Favorite sport to watch? Football, real football, not the American Bastardization, they don't even use their feet.
38. Who do you least expect to send this back? I'm not really sending it per se am I?
39. What fabric detergent do you use? Ariel, it was on sale.
40. Person you expect to send it back first? See above.
41. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
42. Morning person or a night owl? Neither, more like an Afternoon Warrior.
43. What size shoe do you wear? 9.5, but most stores don't make half sizes, so 10
44. What do you most like to hear? The Kop singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'
45. What do you least like to hear? Anything remotely Floydian, 15-minute guitar or drum solos
46. What profession would you like to have if you did not have your own? Professional Football Player, England International. But only if I wasn't a wanker, and could have the same friends I have now.
47. What profession would you least like to do? Working at Wal-Mart was the low point of my professional life
48 What is your favorite word? Minger.
49. What is your least favorite word? Early.
50. What is your favorite swear word? Fuck, Fucking, Fucker..so many uses.
51. What is your favorite candy? Haribo Mix
52. What is your favorite restaurant? Papa John's Pizza, Mandarin Chinese Buffet, TGI Fridays, clearly I have classy tastes.
Monday, January 31, 2005
I Hope Saturday Never Comes Again
Everyone has it. The DVD or video lurking in their collection that they are truly embarrassed to own. The one bought on a whim, never seen, watched once, and never watched again, banished to the back of the entertainment unit. Back there with the VCR users manual, Woolco brand blank tapes, and a VHS tape of Deepak Chopra. I'm quite sure that massive entertainment conglomerates are well aware that they're putting out crappy products, that these movies will be watched once, and then cast into the abyss. I'm also quote sure, they don't care, the money has been spent, it can't be taken back, no matter how hard we wish.
My little nugget unsurprisingly enough, was purchased from a grocery store. Now, right there, alarm bells are going off in my head as I write. What the hell was I thinking? Who buys DVD's from a grocery store? Well, apparently, I do, and I've lived to regret it ever since. Please, walk with me, as I lead you through the train wreck that is....When Saturday Comes.
When Saturday Comes is hands-down the worst football movie I have ever seen. Period. Full stop. In fact, it might be the worst sports movie ever. It has a special place in the ninth circle of cinema hell- alongside Buffalo '66, Waterworld, and Ishtar - on a pedastal, with thousands of devilish minions brandishing pitchforks and dancing around it. It is pretty much everything I don't look for in a sports movie. Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me explain the premise.
Sean Bean, of television's 'Sharpe' (ask your mom) fame plays Jimmy Muir, the protagonist for this soul destroyer. Jimmy is a hard drinking factory worker that moonlights as Diego Maradona on weekends. He plays footie for a local pub team, and does what all movie star football players do, he dribbles from end to end, past every player, and walks the ball into the net. His job is made much easier due to the fact that he's playing against 50 year old, overweight, extras, who seem to have been directed to run away from the ball at all costs, rather than actually make it look realistic. I'm pretty sure that the bitches Jonathon Brandis (RIP) was schooling in Ladybugs could have taken these opposing pub teams. To illustrate the absolute and utter inanity of this film, during one of these highly dramatic action sequences, a major plot point is made of the fact that the goalie for Jimmy's team is playing with the mud, and lets the ball roll in past him. A grown man. Playing in the mud. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
Jimmy is a proper mack daddy, not only is he the lord of all he surveys in the Sunday league, he's also managed to get his end away with the "hot" new seceratary at work. I say "hot" because this movie was made in the 80's or early 90's (I hope) and apparently big hair and garish lipstick were in at the time, at least in industrial Sheffield, where the movie is set.
Jimmy seems to be the perfect character, a modern day Industrial Apollo, master of his domain, a real man's man. Not quite. What hero can't have a fatal flaw. Jimmy just happens to have the most dysfunctional family *ever*. His father is the stereotypical hardman, alcohol problems, dodgy mates, smacks about his wife, absent for most of the picture -- obviously the actor knew something most of the other cast wish they had. His mother is an utter doormat, a complete, utter doormat. If the actress even spoke, I'd be surprised, she is completely unmemorable. She must have been protesting about the complete tripe being spouted by all around her. Good on her, I would have too. To rub salt in the gaping, sucking chest wound being inflicted upon the viewer, Jimmy also has a retarded brother. Not retarded like handicapped, retarded like slow, vacant, empty. A metaphor for the entire film really.
So, the scene is set - Jimmy lives at home, crazy family shenanigans, shitty factory job, Pele on the weekend. Unsurprisingly, he gets plucked out of the pub team by a scout and is given a trial and his beloved.....Sheffield United. Ugh.
Now, most people when given the chance to realise their dreams would grab it with two hands and not let go. Jimmy's got everything, a chance to play professional football, a now pregnant girlfriend, everything.....but naturally, seeing as its only about 45 minutes into the movie, he buggers it all up. Instead of training and getting a good nights sleep before the trial, he decides to have a big night out, in a dodgy silk shirt. His big night out with his factory mates, and retarded brother, in an equally dodgy shirt, ends at a local strip club. Send in the gratuitous and completely unnecessary, and slightly unnerving nudity! The stripper is a proper minger, so much so that I think I threw up a little in my mouth while watching her writh over a drunken Jimmy. Although, I'll give the director his due, he does manage to end the scene on a poignant note, with a close up of the Sheffield United club crest.......tattoo on the stripper's ass. Yes, you did read that correctly. Delving new depths my friends, delving new depths.
So, needless to say Jimmy ruins everything. Waking up next to the aforementioned stripper Jimmy finds himself late and hung over. He stumbles to his trial, only to turn out to be rubbish. Why couldn't they have ended it there? I'd have been completely satisfied with the outcome, ah well, too bad son, back to the factory, you don't need anything more than a pub league anyway. Actually, that's not entirely true, as a final kick to the teeth, Jimmy's girlfriend finds out about the stripper, and dumps his sorry ass. Ha! Perfect! End Scene! Cut! Cue Credits! No such luck.
This being Hollywood, James is given an inexplicable second chance where after months of running and training he eventually makes the team. Awwww, well done, makes me go a big rubbery one. This would be really good if the actor portraying Jimmy didn't look thirty-fucking-five. What club, EVEN Sheffield United would waste all this time on an old man such as this? Around now, I was hoping him to suffer a severe shrapnel related injury, ending his career before it began. Anything, just anything to see this man fail, again. No such luck. He buckles down and ends up on the bench for an FA Cup match against the mighty Manchester United. Dun Dun Duuuuuuun. So, Jimmy the Aged is sitting on the bench, no business being there really -he's a piss-head and stripper shagger, but his team are dire and go down 1-0, or 2-0, who cares anymore really. So at the half, his manager decides to give him a go. So what do you think happens? Come on, guess. That's right, Jimmy puts on a superlative performance, after first looking out of his depth. He manages to singlehandedly turn the game around, scoring a hat trick, to win. Can you feel the excitement? Naturally, the team celebrates madly, all the way back to the dressing room, and into the bath. Where Jimmy cock makes its acting debut, more disturbing than Kevin Bacon in Wild Things, and an anteater. My favorite moment was Jimmy getting elbowed right in the face while jumping for a header, whoever the actor playing the opposing player is, deserves a special award for service to the profession. I may have stood up, pumped my fist, and cheered at that moment. I just wish he'd hit him harder.
So, everything falls into place, he gets his girlfriend back, becomes a big star, and somehow manages to turn his family situation around. Oh yeah, there's some overcooked plot line about his brother dying in a mine, and his dad stealing his football programmes. I don't even pretend to know how or why that comes about - its still no excuse for the shirt he wore on the night out though.
So let's see here: Poor acting, check! Ridiculous story, check! Unnecessary Tits, check! Full Frontal Male Nudity, check! Inane characters, check! Any redeeming qualites, Not a Chance!
My little nugget unsurprisingly enough, was purchased from a grocery store. Now, right there, alarm bells are going off in my head as I write. What the hell was I thinking? Who buys DVD's from a grocery store? Well, apparently, I do, and I've lived to regret it ever since. Please, walk with me, as I lead you through the train wreck that is....When Saturday Comes.
When Saturday Comes is hands-down the worst football movie I have ever seen. Period. Full stop. In fact, it might be the worst sports movie ever. It has a special place in the ninth circle of cinema hell- alongside Buffalo '66, Waterworld, and Ishtar - on a pedastal, with thousands of devilish minions brandishing pitchforks and dancing around it. It is pretty much everything I don't look for in a sports movie. Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me explain the premise.
Sean Bean, of television's 'Sharpe' (ask your mom) fame plays Jimmy Muir, the protagonist for this soul destroyer. Jimmy is a hard drinking factory worker that moonlights as Diego Maradona on weekends. He plays footie for a local pub team, and does what all movie star football players do, he dribbles from end to end, past every player, and walks the ball into the net. His job is made much easier due to the fact that he's playing against 50 year old, overweight, extras, who seem to have been directed to run away from the ball at all costs, rather than actually make it look realistic. I'm pretty sure that the bitches Jonathon Brandis (RIP) was schooling in Ladybugs could have taken these opposing pub teams. To illustrate the absolute and utter inanity of this film, during one of these highly dramatic action sequences, a major plot point is made of the fact that the goalie for Jimmy's team is playing with the mud, and lets the ball roll in past him. A grown man. Playing in the mud. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
Jimmy is a proper mack daddy, not only is he the lord of all he surveys in the Sunday league, he's also managed to get his end away with the "hot" new seceratary at work. I say "hot" because this movie was made in the 80's or early 90's (I hope) and apparently big hair and garish lipstick were in at the time, at least in industrial Sheffield, where the movie is set.
Jimmy seems to be the perfect character, a modern day Industrial Apollo, master of his domain, a real man's man. Not quite. What hero can't have a fatal flaw. Jimmy just happens to have the most dysfunctional family *ever*. His father is the stereotypical hardman, alcohol problems, dodgy mates, smacks about his wife, absent for most of the picture -- obviously the actor knew something most of the other cast wish they had. His mother is an utter doormat, a complete, utter doormat. If the actress even spoke, I'd be surprised, she is completely unmemorable. She must have been protesting about the complete tripe being spouted by all around her. Good on her, I would have too. To rub salt in the gaping, sucking chest wound being inflicted upon the viewer, Jimmy also has a retarded brother. Not retarded like handicapped, retarded like slow, vacant, empty. A metaphor for the entire film really.
So, the scene is set - Jimmy lives at home, crazy family shenanigans, shitty factory job, Pele on the weekend. Unsurprisingly, he gets plucked out of the pub team by a scout and is given a trial and his beloved.....Sheffield United. Ugh.
Now, most people when given the chance to realise their dreams would grab it with two hands and not let go. Jimmy's got everything, a chance to play professional football, a now pregnant girlfriend, everything.....but naturally, seeing as its only about 45 minutes into the movie, he buggers it all up. Instead of training and getting a good nights sleep before the trial, he decides to have a big night out, in a dodgy silk shirt. His big night out with his factory mates, and retarded brother, in an equally dodgy shirt, ends at a local strip club. Send in the gratuitous and completely unnecessary, and slightly unnerving nudity! The stripper is a proper minger, so much so that I think I threw up a little in my mouth while watching her writh over a drunken Jimmy. Although, I'll give the director his due, he does manage to end the scene on a poignant note, with a close up of the Sheffield United club crest.......tattoo on the stripper's ass. Yes, you did read that correctly. Delving new depths my friends, delving new depths.
So, needless to say Jimmy ruins everything. Waking up next to the aforementioned stripper Jimmy finds himself late and hung over. He stumbles to his trial, only to turn out to be rubbish. Why couldn't they have ended it there? I'd have been completely satisfied with the outcome, ah well, too bad son, back to the factory, you don't need anything more than a pub league anyway. Actually, that's not entirely true, as a final kick to the teeth, Jimmy's girlfriend finds out about the stripper, and dumps his sorry ass. Ha! Perfect! End Scene! Cut! Cue Credits! No such luck.
This being Hollywood, James is given an inexplicable second chance where after months of running and training he eventually makes the team. Awwww, well done, makes me go a big rubbery one. This would be really good if the actor portraying Jimmy didn't look thirty-fucking-five. What club, EVEN Sheffield United would waste all this time on an old man such as this? Around now, I was hoping him to suffer a severe shrapnel related injury, ending his career before it began. Anything, just anything to see this man fail, again. No such luck. He buckles down and ends up on the bench for an FA Cup match against the mighty Manchester United. Dun Dun Duuuuuuun. So, Jimmy the Aged is sitting on the bench, no business being there really -he's a piss-head and stripper shagger, but his team are dire and go down 1-0, or 2-0, who cares anymore really. So at the half, his manager decides to give him a go. So what do you think happens? Come on, guess. That's right, Jimmy puts on a superlative performance, after first looking out of his depth. He manages to singlehandedly turn the game around, scoring a hat trick, to win. Can you feel the excitement? Naturally, the team celebrates madly, all the way back to the dressing room, and into the bath. Where Jimmy cock makes its acting debut, more disturbing than Kevin Bacon in Wild Things, and an anteater. My favorite moment was Jimmy getting elbowed right in the face while jumping for a header, whoever the actor playing the opposing player is, deserves a special award for service to the profession. I may have stood up, pumped my fist, and cheered at that moment. I just wish he'd hit him harder.
So, everything falls into place, he gets his girlfriend back, becomes a big star, and somehow manages to turn his family situation around. Oh yeah, there's some overcooked plot line about his brother dying in a mine, and his dad stealing his football programmes. I don't even pretend to know how or why that comes about - its still no excuse for the shirt he wore on the night out though.
So let's see here: Poor acting, check! Ridiculous story, check! Unnecessary Tits, check! Full Frontal Male Nudity, check! Inane characters, check! Any redeeming qualites, Not a Chance!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Consider Yourself Rebutted
Top Striker is Gone
Crying Tears of Red and White
You are Going Down
Everyone else, HAPPY THURSDAY!
Crying Tears of Red and White
You are Going Down
Everyone else, HAPPY THURSDAY!
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
It's Not a Fashion Statement, Its a Fucking Deathwish
Well, I'm back, back in Liverpool, back to bed pan duty. It was brilliant to get home, makes you appreciate it so much more when you only go home once a year. I'm really greatful that I got to see so many people. Apart from one notable exception, I managed to hit up everyone, always the same though, just like Bingo, one number away from a line. Damn Legs 11.
The flight home from Toronto to Paris was alright - the fat, sweaty Lebanese man who fell asleep on me, and snored loudly was a nice touch. Cheers for that God.
Was back in class today, first time for 7 weeks after being on the wards. It was all about "Communication." The lecturer speaking about communication had a massive speech impediment, she soldiered on with the massive weight of irony on her back. Unfortunately, the topic was dryer than a nun's gusset, which made the impediment the only thing worth listening to. As she wheezed, lisped, and coughed through it, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her - but not quite enough not to take the piss. I'm an asshole, sue me.
Nothing much else going on in my life at the moment, I start a new placement in two weeks, at an NHS nursing home......so expect some more frequent updates, until then - read some shameless plugs!
Movie that everyone should watch, if they haven't already: Napoleon Dynamite.
Songs that everyone should download: "New Way to Dance" - The Kinison, "Beat Your Heart Out" - The Distillers, "Burn Burn" - Lostprophets, "Give 'Em Hell Kid" - My Chemical Romance
Do this and you will achieve enlightenment. Honest.
The flight home from Toronto to Paris was alright - the fat, sweaty Lebanese man who fell asleep on me, and snored loudly was a nice touch. Cheers for that God.
Was back in class today, first time for 7 weeks after being on the wards. It was all about "Communication." The lecturer speaking about communication had a massive speech impediment, she soldiered on with the massive weight of irony on her back. Unfortunately, the topic was dryer than a nun's gusset, which made the impediment the only thing worth listening to. As she wheezed, lisped, and coughed through it, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her - but not quite enough not to take the piss. I'm an asshole, sue me.
Nothing much else going on in my life at the moment, I start a new placement in two weeks, at an NHS nursing home......so expect some more frequent updates, until then - read some shameless plugs!
Movie that everyone should watch, if they haven't already: Napoleon Dynamite.
Songs that everyone should download: "New Way to Dance" - The Kinison, "Beat Your Heart Out" - The Distillers, "Burn Burn" - Lostprophets, "Give 'Em Hell Kid" - My Chemical Romance
Do this and you will achieve enlightenment. Honest.
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