The Team of the Year

Another Premiership season has come and gone, Liverpool were a bit pants, Chelsea weren't. So here it is, the definitive team of the year, fuelled by Vanilla Coke, Papa John's pizza, and iTunes on shuffle.

GK - Peter Cech - who else could it possibly have been? He was immense, letting in 13 league goals in 38 league games and breaking Peter Schmeichel's record for consecutive shutout minutes. In a year of erratic goalkeeping, he was solid - week in, week out. It was always going to take a huge effort to keep Carlo Cudicini out of the side, but he did it, with unnerving ease. Let's hope he has a second season like Tim Howard - or Chelsea could be on top for some years to come.

RB - Gary Neville - for lack of anyone better. I'd have chosen Steve Finnan, but then I'd be accused of a Liverpool bias (perish the thought). I'll take The Neviller based on his display at Goodison Park where he volleyed the ball into the crowd after someone gave him some lip. What a man, what a mustache! Another solid season, even if the end was blighted by injury.

CB - John Terry - Another Chelsea player, I hate myself for having to pick so many of them, but they were just too good this season. The skipper improved on last season's already impressive performance, cementing himself as one of the game's premier centre backs. Still young, and improving every season, Chelsea makes me sick.

CB - Jamie Carragher - Maybe the Scousest man on the planet. Utterly uninteligible in interviews, looks like he'd steal your car, should be wearing a Lacoste tracksuit. The man is a legend. In a season dominated by news of Steven Gerrard's supposed move to Chelsea, Carra transcended the bullshit and showed what it meant to be a Liverpool player. Performances full of pride, passion and verve that was sorely lacking during the French invasion (see Diouf, Cheyrou, et al.). Now, if only he didn't panic when he crossed the halfway line.

LB - Gabriel Heinze - An Argie that speaks Welsh. After coming back late from the Olympics and random internationals, not many people held out much hope. Assuming that Ferguson had gotten it wrong, that he was another Kleberson, Bellion, or Djemba-Djemba, fans around the country took heart. Unfortunately, the signing was a masterstroke. Playing every game as though it was his last, his blood and thunder approach, never shirking a tackle made him a fan favourite at Old Trafford, and a wicked fantasy pick. Settling instantly, and even popping up to score a few goals - like Ashley Cole - but without all the drama.

RM - Arjen Robben - The oldest looking 20 year old I've ever seen. Although he's supremely ugly, and looks slightly poncey when he runs, Robben is the one man every team in the league wishes they had. Pace, skill, strength, power, technique, passing, he has it all - scoring spectacular goals, setting up countless more. Manchester United must be sick.

CM - Xabi Alonso - Few outside of Spain had heard of Xabi Alonso before this season, but after his goal against Arsenal at Anfield, and numerous breathtaking passes, he'll soon be a household name. His arrival made the fact Liverpool will probably lose Steven Gerrard bearable - young, skilled and up for a fight, if it wasn't for Fat Frank breaking his ankle on New Year's Day, Liverpool's season could have been much different.

CM - Fat Frank - Begrudgingly, another Chelsea player. Fat Frank was again the talisman for Chelsea, often single handedly dragging them out of the mire to snatch victories from the jaws of 0-0 draws. Scoring long range bombs, free kicks, penalties, and breaking influential midfielders ankles, he did it all. Probably a good shout for player of the year - even if he is a bit of a wanker.

LM - Stewart Downing - Young, English, left-footed! The latest great white hope for England's left sided problem. Only 20 years old, he looks the business, scoring goals, getting crosses in, an old fashioned winger. A product of the Boro academy, if given his chance, he could be the answer...that is, if the question is "Who's playing on the left for England?"

CF - Wayne Rooney - *sigh* it pains me to write this. After his move to United, he really stepped his game up. Taking players on, shooting from anywhere, seeing things others don't, finding space where there is none - he's the complete player. Only 20 years old, he's only going to get better, good news for England, bad news for everyone else. Could be on here for the goal against Newcastle alone.

ST - Peter Crouch - The tallest man in the world. Before this season he was the punchline to many jokes, in fact he was the subject of a bet between Mr. Stephen N. Johns and myself. I bet that he would score 15 goals this season in all competitions. Steve scoffed, and accepted - the wager - a crisp, new Peter Crouch Southampton jersey. Lo and behold, the dust has settled and Crouchy did the business - 16 goals for a struggling team, not a bad return! In all honesty, he has a fantastic touch for such a big man, and takes a mean penalty - without him, Saints would have been down in February - if they can hold on to him, they have every chance of bouncing back up.

Substitutes:
Gabor Kiraly
Ledley King
Shaun Wright-Phillips
Thierry Henry
Dean Ashton